the tender release
like the sticky warm sweet of the air after the rain has passed
when the majestic sky is revealed through dark clouds
the release. ease. acceptance.
i have no control
anxiety is not serving me well
what will be will be
it will all come together
nothing is permanent
waking with that breath of air and sweetness of ease
tending to the slugs in the garden and the wet clothes in the washing machine
the sun on my back
and the spiders scrambling off the line as i push clothes pegs aside.
the mundane and domestic
washing dishes and making plate after plate of snacks.
holding space for the tears and toys, the wants and demands of two littles.
but just there, a rumble in the distance
there it comes creeping
like those very spider legs
weaving a web of uncertainty again
rising up, anxiety plagued
while i remind myself again – that i have no one to be responsible for but myself, my babies.
that nothing is permanent
and that i am not letting anyone down, as long as i am honest.
reminding myself that all i can do is say what i need, speak from my most authentic self
and if i am heard, all well
and if i am not – i can not be to blame.
let it go.. let it go.. let go it.
but it still sits, frothy on top
bitter on the tongue
i will not let this sour me
breathe breathe.. keep breathing.