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Steven thinks that I'm ignoring you, that I've lost interest… That I'm not giving as much content.
…as hard as it is for me to admit-I have been trying to ignore you the best I can, but I have so much guilt… The truth? I'm dried up. Trying to find some inspiration… writing words in journals, trying to find my voice.
e.darcy
Inspire me.
It's Saturday night…do you know where your child is?
e.darcy
This is where we are!
All of the kids have been at home, visiting Momma and Papa. It's so lovely to see them as grandparents… Brandon runs in happy to see his Mimi, Papa Tom spends the entire day with Wyatt, cuddling and bringing back all the tricks and skills he hasn't had to use since I was in nappies.
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They're all growing so so fast. Watching them on webcam, Lilly talking wildly into the phone, Brandon singing 'Twinkle Twinkle' to me, and Wyatt….wearing six month old clothes (he's just 7 weeks old!!!)
Such a lovely bunch of chaos, a mess that I cannot wait to get into. I'm so excited to come home in November to all of my little babes!
Spending the morning critiquing past photos, re-editing, enhancing, finding all the 'what I did wrongs' but also the 'this is what I am going to do better'.
So, dug up some photos that I didn't think were great before, and fell in love with them over again…
e.darcy
I wish I could go back and re-adjust. I'd give myself some more confidence, more authority to try new things… New angles and light. But I'm learning, and teaching myself everyday…
*have potentially booked a family/newborn session within the next two weeks!
Shit.
I was just informed that the hamburger meat (mince beef) we were planning on using for dinner is three days past it's 'use by'.
What are you having for dinner? We just might stop by.
Like the backside of my eyeballs are being constantly scratched with a needle… a rusty needle. (or dirty fingernails…) It feels like the veins behind my eyes are being pulled back, tug. tug. tug. A throbbing tug with every heartbeat-just to let me know that it's still there.
e.darcy
I had this trick when I was younger. I'd close my eyes and pretend to go into my head, my brain was an empty shell–an office space. There was a desk, filing cabinets that held all of my memories, and a trash bin. When I had a headache, I'd go up there and clean up. Remove cobwebs, sweep up the dust, refile the papers. Organise and straighten it all out. When I had a headache-it always looked like a bomb exploded.
I used to do that to remember things that I needed to know as well. I once heard the term 'photographic memory' and decided that if I wanted it bad enough, I could have it. So–into my head I'd go, pick up a piece of paper in the office and write what the answer to X was really big, carefully I'd put it into the filing cabinets… Come test day (or whatever day) I'd close my eyes, and go and find that file. Voilà!
Anyway… It doesn't work so much now. I try to walk around in the damp, squishy, pinkness of my brain. But I just don't have the access any more. The details are blurry. Gremlins chew on wires and cables that hook up to my vision. Bright lights cast me away like a vampire.
It came on yesterday, through the night, and I woke up with it… hmph.
Had to share the picture my momma took of my little bumble bee, Lilly in the tub.
photo by momma, edited by me.
I like her. A lot.
Cannot get over the happiness, the joy, the fire in her eyes…
It's Monday. I rolled out of bed, crept across the wooden floors…
I'm in no rush, no hurry… Boil the kettle for tea, dance barefoot on the kitchen tiles, learn new tricks and treats…
e.darcy
I might venture out, in search for wonderful treasures.
*Things I want to buy for summer time treats to play with, and photograph:
Side-walk chalk
Magnifying glass
Jumbo bottle-o-bubbles
Kaleidoscope
p.s. I really do have my father's nose…
I'm so lucky to have talented, creative, beautiful people in my family…
Angel Porch
One of my very best friends (and I only have enough to fit into one hand) took some stunning photos of my niece, Lilly today. I really have no words….
I'm so sad that I am not there to hold, giggle, tickle… She's the most wonderful thing I have ever seen. So happy, so content, so beautiful. The way that I talk about her is as if she was my own-and I can only justify that because she stole a little piece of my heart.
Angel Porch
Thanks so much to my friend, sister, mentor, and artist.
e.darcy
'Everything will be okay. You're beautiful, and it's far more than skin deep. Let it shine.' -Post Secrets
Because you woke up this morning… Because the sun still shines. Because there is good in this world.
Live. Laugh. and Love.
Happy Sunday!
