Click on the title of the blog post to view the entire entry.
enjoying: the sun, blue skies, ice cream cones, and walks by the lake.
thinking: about melissa's upcoming stay at my home. : )
embracing: a new train of thought, a new journey… a new…refreshing feeling.
loving: wearing skirts.
wanting: to swim… and swim. and swim.
disliking: the sweaty stickiness at night, the spiders spinning webs outside my windows.
creating: when the mood strikes. feeling so relaxed and at ease… and loving it.
she was a dream.
and through so many people's stories, words, art, presence… she was born.
her story is victorious. full of hope and strength. full of so many emotions, and overwhelming beauty.
and today she grows her wings
so people all over the world can take part-in helping her voice be heard loud and clear.
we have had enough.
—
—
this would not have been made possible without the amazing and talented Jennifer Summer. she is such a beautiful source of inspiration, not only to me-but to hundreds around her.
she first gave me confidence to feel the power of being a woman. to have a voice that means something. to be a force.
i admire her, look up to her, respect her, and feel like i am her sister.
i feel so proud to know her… and to have been asked to be a part of this amazing event.
it not only blows me away that she thought of creating this event, but that she put it into action-and is pulling it off beautifully.
thank you, jenn.
i believe that we all wish to change the world, no matter how small our voices. that we wish to leave our foot print towards the right direction. and out of the sea of voices-yours is being heard, and it is a beautiful song. you are leaving your space in history-as an artist, as a healer, as a beacon. you have given these women such an inspiring gift, as they have given to you. and that Artemis has given to us.
around the beginning of the year, i'm not sure when, but i DO know it was cold.
i was talking to one of my friends, who just happens to be such a talented artist. i seem to be surrounded by so many of them. : )
she was telling me her dreams of this idea- a beautiful tribute, in a magic setting… to celebrate the triumphs of women who have been abused. to show their strength, empower other women, and spread a message.
we talked excitedly that night, and then suddenly she started putting her words into action…
i feel SO privileged to have been asked to design a logo for the event, let alone donate prints and art work that will be sold at the benefit-with all the money raised going to the charity.
i cannot believe that i have been able to be apart of this dream, this experience… this piece of beautiful history.
An art exhibit to benefit RAINN
Friday, June 5, 2009
York Street Café
Newport, KY
7:00 p.m. – 10:00 p.m. (music begins at 8:00 p.m.)
$5 cover charge for concert only
photography exhibit | fine art prints | silent auctions
live music | poetry readings
for more information, contact coordinator Jennifer Summer
jennifer@jennifersummer.com
859.512.5898
and you can too.
send a little e-mail to jenn at the above e-mail address.
and once the website has launched i will link you to that, where there will be a pretty shiny little donate button, where some more of my girls are hanging out at.
the creative waves are some of the weirdest…
they hit you with power, and take over. you realise that you have been sitting there for five hours working on something, wondering where the time has gone. you all of a sudden notice that noise from your stomach is hunger, because you haven't been eating. and then your eyes adjust to the dark-and you realise that the sun left hours and hours ago. (no wonder all artists that we learn about are crazy…)
and just as quickly as the waves crashed in, they are pulled back out again…
and you readjust to a proper sleeping pattern…
i wrote about how i hadn't picked up my camera, or pencil…or brush. and wasn't able to write. but this time, i was totally fine with it.
in the past i'd get so much anxiety-afraid that once it was gone, it was going to be gone for good… i was riding on a good wave, and suddenly it was swept out from under my feet.
but this time, i knew that just as quickly as it leaves, it always comes back.
so i picked up the needle and thread… inspired by melissa, we were to embroider together and share what we created. hers makes me drool so much… so inspiring and refreshing.
and then last night, after talking to a friend. (who i am SO excited about, because she's starting to draw again.. and it just thrills me to see her excited about that) i picked up the pencil and it all just poured out of me until late into the night.
i always love seeing the process that other artists go through, whether that's before and after photos of post-processing and raw photographs, a set up of how you got the photograph, a… whatever. before and after. it's wonderful and inspiring.
so i thought i would share.
i draw my basic shape in pencil.
i let my fingers flow with the pencil… it seems that every paper has it's own lines waiting to be discovered…
i know that if my hand glides on it's own-that i'm fine… relaxed. ready.
because if i am trying too hard, it's all short. jabby. wrong. i know that nothing good will come out of it. so it's just not my time.
last night i was getting so excited because they were turning out to be these GORGEOUS shapes… i loved them so much. and i was so scared i'd mess them up…
so- after drawing the shapes in pencil, i go over the outline with watercolour pencils.
these are AMAZING for anyone who loves watercolour, but needs a bit of control over it. people who can't let go. ;-p or.. okay. people who are just working with some detail. either way. i love love love them. cheap ones will do just fine!
and then some things just don't turn out how i originally wanted…
and that's sometimes good, and sometimes bad.
the one above– i really REALLY loved her before
but after, meh.. i kinda love her.
mmmm i LOVE… so many beautiful lines.
i had a different image in mind for her hair, but was scared to touch it-so i left her for a bit… and then decided at the end that she was perfect how she was.
love when that happens.
this was the first time that i have ever done paintings in a two day process.
i was letting my fear control it. because i was just too excited about how they were coming out. i wanted to make sure i gave it some time. and get some pictures before i completely ruined them. ha! (but i wouldn't advise you on the fear thing. blah. it normally throws up in your face. just relax.. and go with it all. push through the night if you have to. ride that wave while you have it!)
i paint the skin first-as you can see… after that dries, i go for the hair.
the eyes are always difficult for me, i sometimes wait for a while to decide if they will be open or closed.
it depends on how difficult they will be to base my decision.
some people really really try to get things perfect, doing it over and over again.
i simply… ignore it.
my girls first started out as busts. headless, armless.
curves of their breasts and hips.
slowly they were given heads. but not faces.
i adore the simplicity, and sometimes it speaks so much louder.
and then faces started to appear
as well as arms.
it's a process.
and i beg you to try. to not worry about getting it perfect.
to stop erasing so many times and just go with what feels RIGHT.
over time, it will bend and curve and find it's place.
your style will flow through.
i love running my fingers along the hand woven stitches… something about the passion and patience put into them. the first stitches being loose and uneven, getting better and better by the needle pulling thread.
my mom has a quilt that she got as a graduation present from her grandmother, a massive hand sewn quilt. it is absolutely the most beautiful thing… i've always eyed it. wanted to sleep with it on my bed. laying it over my lap-picking out my favourite fabrics.
each little square was puckered together by her hands, sewn up with different colour threads. i imagine where her thoughts were when she was making it for mom.
and i think about the same thing when i embroider.
i'm not doing anything perfect, i don't know how.. i'm just doing. thinking about all the imperfect stitches-creating patterns and stories… that one day my hands will be old and wrinkly, the finger prints worn smooth from them.
tracing my hands across the thread
i'm imagining creating pieces that all somehow flow together, maybe depicting a story… wouldn't it be so wonderful for it to be a bed time story?! i just have to figure out how to execute it.
a bed time story, a family tree, a story of a child's birth, a made up fairy tale, a song…
a story to see with your eyes, and fingers… and wrap up in.
a story to pass down.
the backside is always so much more fascinating to me… it's so beautiful and different… reminds me of a constellation in the night sky.
i'll take a picture of what i made today, when the sun comes back out to play.
1. i fall in love with new projects all the time.
- i dream of baking wonderful cakes and breads, muffins and scones. i spend time reading recipes, saving them for just the right time that i am craving enough-to actually purchase everything i need.
-i'm dreaming of knitting something spectacular…but i can only knit plain and pearl, is that the right term? either way, i can only do that-and i am fairly certain i haven't ever finished a full scarf…
- i'm dreaming about learning to crotchet. my grandmother tried to teach me patiently when i was a little girl. i remember i just got out of the tub, she combed out my hair-i was wearing a long white nightgown, probably a big t-shirt. we had our dinner on t.v. trays, and played card games. she had promised me that she would teach me, and so we began. i sat on the floor-she was in the chair behind me, holding my hands properly. i cried because i was frustrated. my hands weren't big enough, i couldn't handle all of it. finally, iw as able to make a chain… and chain i did-it went long enough to circle through her tiny cabin. she tried to teach me to go back and actually make something, to weave back through the chain-but i was too impatient and frustrated.
- dreaming of finding sweet vintage sheets and fabrics and making them into quilts. embroidering littler surprises here and there on the pieces. i don't have a sewing machine, but i DO know how to sew. : )
2. i think ahead so much, it gives me anxiety. i can go through the year calendar and start adding up all of the holidays and birthday, things i need to remember, things i need to do. appointments to get to, sessions to document. it wears me out. i have to stop sometimes-and remember where i am… remember today.
3. i'm passionate about trying to build a nice relationship with my postmen. they don't seem to be too keen on the idea, but i am working on it. i'm pretty sure i have one on my side already, and that's all i need. : )
4. decided that the next time i see strawberries on sale again, i'll scoop them up and freeze them for later on. i don't know why i didn't dawn on me- they were on sale for 1 euro a bundle. sweet tiny little things.
5. i feel equal parts better about my post yesterday-letting that go, out in the open… makes me feel so much lighter. but it also frightens me just because it's out there-and means that i may have to look it more in the face. bleaugh.
6. trying to plan for a few little excursions in june when a mate comes to stay. wonder what adventures we will end up going on. thinkin' that it'll be lovely and relaxed and fun, and full of photos.
7. mood swings. oy vey. do men have mood swings as often? seriously…it drives me crazy how quickly i can change. it's confusing not only to me. sorry!
8. haven't been able to paint much, or take any photos… normally i'd be a bit worried-freaked out that i might not ever be able to again. but now i am getting used to these waves. she'll come back, and when she does-she might bring me new gifts to explore.
9. wishing that i had a space to travel to, to light bonfires and dance… tell stories and eat good food with friends.
10. craving an exploration. something new… the gypsy in me wanting to explore new places. craving beautiful memories. wait… i think i have a summer carved out with the perfect recipes in mind.
i haven't been writing much because my heart feels heavy, and it's just not something i want to pour out here.
i make it through the day just fine, but then when i come back to my space… i feel like i need to explain why i am not being myself, or fully being honest or. i don't even know.
i'm realising that while i feel lost in myself, i'm lost in everything else. letting dust collect on cameras, brushes, and writing…
—
reading an entry from one of my blogging sister's journal today, feeling so taken back. her words were of her own journey-but felt like they echoed the little voice in my head.
knowing that one day i will sit in her seat and have the same reflection over this time in my life.
—
for the past six months i have been treating myself- to help my body heal and become a healthy space to create a healthy pregnancy. (edited to add: a previous year of unknown and weirded up… and six months with some healing meds.)
i suppose really i took the wrong idea to what the medication would ultimately be for. words thrown around giving me different expectations-when in reality, they were only meant to prepare and cleanse, not specifically to create.
and then my body decided to venture on her own path…and it didn't make sense.
so now it's just a different approach, with the same ideas in mind-only this time, on the journey of creating a safe space and healthy body… and a family.
if i'm going to be honest, i'll tell you that i'm terrified.
terrified of all of it. of the entire picture. of the journey no matter how long or short, dark or light.
but it's okay, i am okay with that feeling.
because standing on the edge of great things is terrifying. that feeling in your gut is necessary to feel the ecstasy later on…. that fear and anxiety-that path travelled with heaviness, can only become lighter.
that when we fight for things, we preserve and appreciate them more. like we can see colour for the first time. in fear, everything is black and white, but you don't yet understand that… not until you see the delicious rainbow.
with any leap, you put your trust into your surroundings to hold you up. you put trust in yourself, but sometimes that's not safe enough-so you entrust it in those around you.
…and that's all i can do.
i'm sad, because i want to be able to simply put trust in myself, in my body.
i want to close my eyes and breathe lightly-and have confidence in my body on her own
but i understand that it's okay to ask for help
and that when help is there, we should take it.
so i'm putting trust in the light that discovers the darkest of dark. i'm putting trust in my space and purpose here. i'm putting trust into the unknown and long journey ahead.
i'm learning to embrace my journey. wherever it takes me. to try to appreciate every step of it. to appreciate who i am today, and who i will be tomorrow. to know that i will eventually make it to the light.
i wanted to apologize for my absence.
i've been hit with a tough roller coaster week. so many emotions that i don't wish to bombard you with. but i am here, alive. and well.
i'm hoping to take time to notice all that is around me, rather than wallow in my own problems.
plan to get out. go for some walks and take photos.
a girlfriend of mine is coming to stay for a few days with us in june, i couldn't be more excited to have her here. honestly though, i have no idea what to show her- our town isn't much for the eyes. but i'm sure we'll have fun.
and then in july, one of my besties from home is coming to ireland on a little tour for a week, i am hoping to be able to see her for AT LEAST two of those days.
that puts a big smile on my face.
one of my best best friends in the whole world is waiting for news… and i hope that she gets it. god, i hope so. if she does-it means that i can be selfish, because she'll be moving to my side of the world. and well, she just deserves everything that she wants. : )
my sweetheart's birthday is coming up. i can't believe that we are getting older… i'm just fine right here. right now.
some babes joining the family soon… oh goodness. a new nephew to the bunch.
in august we'll be taking a quick little journey to belgium to stay with one of my friends and her sweet little family. i cannot wait! she is absolutely the most fun, witty person i know. and her family is absolutely wonderful. i look forward to meeting them, and running around her beautiful city of brussels.
there is so much goodness around me
so many wonderful people, carrying light in my darkness.
the sun stays out later and later into the night.
there is light. and love. and laughter.
oh, if you could just see me, you'd see that i have a smile on my face from ear to ear… and if i start thinking about all of this, i'll probably cry. ;-p
i have been getting SO many messages from people all over the world-excited about their 'inspiration for the uninspired' pieces that i have created.
featured on one of my favourite crunchy yummy mummy's blog… she inspires me to think differently, to look at the world differently-and then goes and makes me blush like a school girl by writing about me!
e-mails from people i don't know, thanking me, telling me that they are going to try the '50 drawing ideas' with their kids.
hearing it from them makes me so happy, which is completely an understatement.
but even better?
when they share…
this one was 'draw yourself with wings'
one of my sweet friends printed out both sets, inspiration for the uninspired 101, and the 50 drawing ideas for kids. for herself and her sweet little family.
holy… awesome
liam, you rock. plain and simple. i LOVE your little guy so much. i think that you should make a little comic book with him, and create stories about where he travels. he looks a bit mischievous, i'm thinkin' he can get in a bit of trouble and have fun with it. ;-p
—
maybe one day i will start a summer art camp, and you can all send me your babies. and we'll draw and paint all day-and i'll send you some pictures.
that idea… sounds amazing to me, so completely combining a few of my dreams together…
la la laaa.
if you're joining in on any of it, i would LOVE to see your photos from your experience, or read what you have to say about it!
you inspire me.
i am a collector of…
words. they run through my mind constantly, fitting words together that play well with each other. a lot of times when i write, things come out in poetic form, the ends of sentences swing together, pleasant on the tongue. it's silly really.
i collect words on paper, defining them, finding a mate for them… saving them for…something.
i am a collector of…
ideas. i have millions of ideas that i want to do. i write them down, sketch some of them out, dream them up. but the problem is-i am such a procrastinator, so ideas are born, and die. some just stay collecting dust.
i am a collector of…
junk. things that i feel i am going to use later. it's what all artists do. i've been known to bring home trash because i just know i am going to use it. those pesky ideas again!
i've moved a good amount of times in my life, and i think it's really quite necessary. purge useless stuff, and later cry about how i got rid of something-because i want to do my idea NOW! or, because i JUST came up with an idea of how to use that specific item and it was perrrrrrfect.
i am a collector of…
memories. yet somehow i forget important dates, things you told me last week… uhh. okay, i forget A LOT! i feel like an 80 year old woman at times (no offense if there are any eighty year old women reading. ;-p). but i collect memories with photography. it helps me remember, it brings me right back.
i tell the same stories over and over again. watch out, you already know it. i KNOW that i told you that little tid bit. oy vey. bless steven's heart.
a pack rat, what a negative nasty image… a person who collects, saves, or hoards useless small items.
*gulp*
what are you a collector of?
