Monthly Archives: July 2009

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honour yourself

you are one of a kind…

unique.

there is, and never will be someone quite like you…

your path is its own… and regardless that questions you seek have been asked before, the answers you give-wisdom and knowledge pulled from the root of your veins… regardless of the millions of people before you…of time and science. of faith and blind belief…

your finger prints trace a story that will never be repeated.

you are one of a kind.

***

Affirmation (n.)

A statement that is declared to be true.

i am a believer of the power of words… i’ve read plenty of things that have moved me, grabbed me…lifted me…changed me.

i am a believer of dreams…

***

how is it that words can be such powerful things… how a few words can strip you, leave you exposed and raw… how something can be so difficult to say, hot coals filling your throat and chest as you ache for the words to escape…to confirm deepest secrets, to acknowledge fears, to bring voice to intimacy…

i believe that when you put them out there… the universe listens.

speaking them aloud-or just writing them down sets your soul free… lifts weights off your shoulders… opens doors you never dreamed of.

today, i’m sharing how i want to use words to help me on my journey…

yesterday, i shared a picture…a simple picture with absolutely nothing artistic or amazing… a quick click and upload. But the four words i paired with it felt silly…and then frightening.

it was silly writing it. ‘i am a goddess’

it was frightening because…. it was public. It was open for interpretation. it was open for judgement.

i waited to be called out…. for someone to say ‘who are you kidding?’… to strip me of my crown.

…but it hasn’t happened yet.

after i put it out there…i suddenly felt this weird…liberation.

what i shared wasn’t a secret… it wasn’t anything necessarily real… it just meant something deep to me.

remember my spiel about vision boards?

today is something like that… only it’s an affirmation board.
erin darcy
it feels silly at first… but once you tell that inner voice to bugger off it feels… honest, real… hopeful… liberating.

let this be your empowerment… let this be who you are about…what you need… think about the words of encouragement you would give a loved one, and give those right back to yourself. honour yourself.

choose powerful words. things you wish to become…things you know you already are but are afraid to admit aloud. dig deep. nothing is too far a stretch. nothing is too silly or unimaginable.

and if you wish, i would love for you to share your affirmations with me.

xo.

By edarcy | Posted in Inspiration, journey | Comments (6)

these walls are changing

i do it in self-defense… but all it ends up being is more self-harm.

a slash at the ounce of confidence i might have built. a sneering, jealous voice-ready to pounce on anything good.

a compliment that is quickly turned down…

you know it well… work that you have done that is praised 'oh that?, it was nothing… '  how beautiful you look today 'thanks, but not really.. because xyzblahblahblaah'

quickly pointing out flaws-so someone else doesn't first.

i seem to be brilliant at it.

and after all that i wrote yesterday… how quickly it seems to be swept under a rug…until tonight. when i just realised what i am doing is wrong, so so wrong. and so so harmful to not only myself–but other people.*

*(you know how you're there with someone, and they start pointing out what is so wrong with them, making horrible comments about themselves and just over-all being negative and ugly about their appearance… and you happen to love them, and think they are so beautiful… and when you hear them say those things about themselves aloud–you just think 'well if they think that way of themselves, what do they see when they look at me?')

i always hate when i give someone a compliment and they turn it down… i wouldn't have bothered saying it if i didn't believe it. so take it, and say thank you-it's as simple as that.

but would you think i'd do the same? paah.

*****

so from now on i want to try my best to simply…take it.  to not read into it, to not pick at it, to not push it to the side and stomp my shitty shit into it.

i want to take it, turn the words over, add them to my mantra, and learn to believe them.

so that way i can start to see myself in the eyes of others, so that way i can start to love myself-the way that others love me too.

and i want you to do it with me, because we're all victims to it.

*****

today, i got my hair coloured. i had gone to the salon at the beginning of the month to add some highlights-for something different to my gorgeous red hair… so highlights it was-for something simple and different.

and they were beautiful… and so many people loved them. but i just…didn't feel like me.

i missed my red. i didn't feel the same. i didn't feel confident.

so i craved for the red to come back…

erin darcy photography

but i got something different. and i think i'm pleasantly surprised.

it was not something i expected, or asked for. the darkest my hair has ever been… it's not natural and it isn't mine. and immediately i was making excuses for myself- to tell others, in case they loved it-or hated it… to say 'oh it will fade'  'oh yeah, i didn't expect it to turn out this way either!'

but instead… i think i want to embrace it. own it. love it.

accept that this is me today, and tomorrow and until it fades.

to take the compliments and critiques and roll with them.

***

it all was just revealed to me when i posted the photo above on my facebook. i received wonderful compliments-but all i could keep thinking about was how weird i looked in the photo, how i didn't like the way my smile looked… and just then, i got a comment about that beautiful smile.

and i realised exactly what i did.. how silly i was… how i put myself down, when others were building me up.

****

thank you, for your voices yesterday. for those that read that don't comment… for following me on this journey, and joining in when you feel you can.

i wish to bring strength and encouragement to not only myself, but to you, if i should be so lucky.

By edarcy | Posted in journey | Comments (4)

a journey

i’m on a journey to myself… to find love, acceptance and understanding… to see life with more light. to be more gentle with myself. to be more positive and a better role model…

we are the hardest and most critical of ourselves… what i wouldn’t give to be able to see myself through someone else’s eyes-just for a day. to look in the mirror without a warped sense of who i am, without flaws being exaggerated.

this is a journey that i know i will be on for the rest of my life, self discovery-appreciation, and love.

i think it’s incredibly important-when taking the steps to loving and understanding yourself, to give yourself a support system… because once you start peeling back those layers, you need to have someone there to just listen..encourage, believe in you, and pick you up when you don’t think you can…

****

for me, today… it isn’t about weight loss or being physically fit. it isn’t about drastic change or becoming someone else. it’s about embracing who i am today, tomorrow… and the next.

it’s about moving in my skin and feeling comfortable in it, confident in it.

it’s about believing in myself. believing in my heart and soul-believing in my dreams and my abilities.

it’s about treating myself as i would a loved one—i would never say any of the hateful and negative things i say about myself to or about someone i love, i would never even think them… and i’m tired of treating myself like that. it isn’t fair.

erin darcy photography

i felt failed by my body for PCOS. each month is a beginning but always ends in mourning. it has gotten easier to handle, and i have so many women around me that battle the same issues that i have, and will face in the future.

it doesn’t stop me from being hard on myself.

****

i will not be a prisoner to my body, or negative thoughts. i will not be a victim to a disease or imbalance. more importantly, i will not be a victim of myself.

i want to be more honest here…in this space. this space that should be mine. i want to take it back-so that it belongs to me and carve out a safe sacred space to spill what i need, and not feel ashamed or guilty or embarrassed.

and so i begin…

By edarcy | Posted in journey, {daily} | Comments (6)

where the streets have no name

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

one of my best friends was travelling through ireland, and i was lucky enough to meet up with her a few times. she and her mother-in-law rented a car, and planned on starting their journey from shannon, and work across to dublin. they had nights to stay in castle hotels, exploring small little towns and the country roads.

and then i joined them as they made their way to dublin.

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photographydublin city guardians…

i imagine that they get up at night, stalking the streets.. stretching their long legs. aren't they beautiful?!

but being in the city only reinforced the knowledge that i am not a city girl. too many bodies… too much hustle and bustle for me. the old buildings are beautiful-but it has nothing on the west. ;-p perhaps i'm biased…

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (5)

lessons on living

i've been so inspired by her 365 days of grateful.

i really wanted to get in on it… such a beautiful message for yourself, a wonderful way to remember sweet little things… but also to just be grateful for life today. for living in the moment.

my problem wasn't finding what i am grateful for, but being disciplined enough to sit down and do it.

my excuses were needing a new journal, wanting to do it proper… not having  polaroid film to capture it the same way she does… i don't want my handwriting to ruin it… what if i miss a day? it will never be as pretty as hers.

but that's not the point.

the point is taking 5 minutes at the end of each evening to think about all the gifts and privileges i am given every day. to think about something that put a smile on my face, or gave me a better appreciation/understanding for something.

to find peace and tranquillity. to capture moments of hope, optimism, happiness.

maybe i'm unofficially starting…

erin darcy photography

faux polaroids and all.

what are you grateful for today?

By edarcy | Posted in grateful | Tagged | Comments (5)

a thousand words

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photographyerin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

By edarcy | Posted in Photography | Comments (9)

extra extra exclamation points!

if i had a twitter (that i used) i'd tweet it.

if i had a hot tin roof, i'd be a cat on it and meow it.

if i were (or is it was?) a rooster, i'd cock-a-doodle-doo it.

SHE'S ON HER WAY!

laaaa and i'm doing all i can to not jump up and down and bite my nails and wait at the front door for the next… oh… hours or so that it takes for them to make their way from clare to galway.

and all of that rainy grey drizzle? it scooted itself on over and let the blue sky shine through with some pretty puffy white clouds.

pretty sure it's because sunshine and sunflowers herself is here…

haha, more later. and pictures! of us! smiling with her big smile. and pretty little face!

exclamation point exclamation point !

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (1)

a day for dreaming

mmm it's a grey and misty morning..

light spits of rain constantly drizzling down from this blanket in the sky. it's so perfect and delicious and cozy… a day for a fire and potato soup, and a good book to read.

for others, it might push you down and be doom and gloom.. terribly sad to have the sun away. but for me, it just…fits well, feeds my creative.

today, i pre-ordered the dread crew: pirates of the backwoods it was conceived by someone who inspires me to no end, kate inglis. her way with words is something else… i have followed her blog for a few years now, following highs and lowest of lows. she welcomes you in with this hearty full warmth, gets real, real quick… nitty gritty no frills, down to earth, and so witty.  i've embarrassed myself plenty of times by sending her notes of adoration and love… i'm such a loser, but i've set her up on this shelf of wise, talented untouchables.

anyway, so yeah.. ordered that, it will be coming through my blue door in october. until then, i've been inspired by eric stewart to keep my eyes and ears out for woodland pirates in my area. there's bound to be plenty in the depths of the musky pubs….

…

i set my alarm to get up fairly early this morning, anxiously waiting for the phone to ring. (why does that make my stomach so nervous?) hoping to hear from my friend, that she made it to the green island… i have no way of getting in contact with her, so just..sitting here.. relying on her to find her way to me-somehow… er. i'm starting to have bad feelings about this whole situation now.

keeping myself busy while the phone is attached to my palm… should i bake chocolate chip cookies and let the house drown in that heavily scent? hmph… no brown sugar…

so i sit here and watch, out of the finger smudged window-the mist drizzle down light and sweetly..

daydreaming about october.

about what awaits me this year…

feeling optimistic for no reason about…everything.

where did this girl come from?

i think i like her.

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (2)

tides

i know you get that.. i know that you understand how full and overwhelming it can all feel, like you're being taken over and merely a vessel… and then suddenly empty.. the bottom of the sea and dry bones.. craving for a drop of water just to know what it feels like again to have a wet tongue.

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

…it always seems that once you put it out there, digging your toes in the sand… that finally the tide comes in, lapping at your ankles until the current sweeps you under-in the most beautiful and welcoming of ways.

By edarcy | Posted in Inspiration | Comments (2)

domestic.

this morning i woke up excited to figure out a way to use the left over dough from the calzones.

last night i had ideas of making them into salty pretzels, and cinnamon sugar pretzels. perhaps another time-i found a recipe that i'd like to try for those though…

maybe powdered sugar doughnuts… nao.. i don't think this dough was up for it. i've a recipe for those stashed away for another day as well. : )

sunday morning, so cinnamon rolls it is.

erin darcy photography

i let the dough sit for a while, it had chilled and rose a bit in the fridge last night.

after it warmed up a bit it let me roll it out without pulling back into place.

i melted a bit of butter and spread over the rectangle, sprinkled with sugar and dusted with cinnamon. i had a bit of brown sugar left so i used some of that to sprinkle in too.

i rolled it up, sliced, and put them in a cake tin to set for a few minutes.

popped them into the oven for around 10 minutes, and made a glaze out of melted butter, powdered sugar, brown sugar, and a splash of milk.

once out of the oven i drizzled them with goodness and served them to the boys for breakfast. (steven's friend stayed the night)

they were scrumptious and lovely.

the cinnamon rolls, not the boys.

and then i got this wild hair to clean the house… three loads of laundry, vacuumed stairs, swept sitting room… scrubbed toilet. organized closet, made bed. whew!

i was finally able to work in a few sketches and settle in with a cup of tea..

erin darcy photography

and now.. even after all of that cleaning, i still have so much more cleaning and organizing to do before one of my best friends comes to ireland for a visit.

i'm so excited to see her, and it'll be so weird to see her over here. (but she has a super cute house. haha and mine isn't so.)

safe travels for angel and martha!

By edarcy | Posted in domesticity | Comments (2)