Monthly Archives: July 2009

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searching for my muse

it’s like sitting on a bed of nails…

waiting to discover.

waiting to figure out the puzzle of how to transform something in your head onto a piece of paper…getting all of the pieces to fit, in the right shape.. in the right order.

and when it’s all dried up. and the pencil breaks. and the lines are hard and rigid….

i search and sink my teeth into what might inspire me.

searching not only for their images or music or.. whoever they might be-whatever they might make. i also go in search of some way to see them ‘feel them’. hoping for interviews.. so i can soak them up, take all that i can from them.

liselotte watkins has been inspiring me for years now… she was the way that i found my passion in my girls.. was my stepping stone-and then quickly i found my own.

kate wilson is another, who has this incredible style that flows through everything she does. it’s all very light, flirty, girly. very sweet and quirky.

…

some days i sit and wait… clear my mind, relax. take it easy… other times i’m in a desperate urge to call her back.

i find ways to clear all aspects of wanting to create. i read books and clean the house, keeping my hands and my mind busy. and then i find ways to slowly call her back, being creative in other ways to gently coerce her to me.

recently, i’ve been asked to do quite a few commission pieces. i normally don’t do them*, but it seems that as i’ve continued to put myself out there- people are wanting their piece, their claim, and they want it to be personal and mean something more for them…

*i’ve yet to say no… i just… don’t decline them i should say. and i don’t go out on a limb to offer them either.

it’s absolutely flattering… to know that these people find something in my work, something that they want to keep with them, something that connects with them.

but you have to be on your game to accept a commission, you have to be riding high waves, where rocks to crash against are far in the distance. you have to be willing to go with the flow, to accept that you are creating for someone else’s vision.

it can be scary. them, putting so much faith in your ability. them, willing to PAY you. and all the while you feel like a major joke… trying to quickly come up with something, begging the gods and muses to help you along. hoping to come out with at least one thing for a smiling face. the money isn’t a big deal… it’s a lovely extra. but really, honestly… knowing that you created something that sits with them, fits them, feels good with them is the most rewarding.

…

so i’m searching for her again. soaking up as much of my inspiration as i can… cleaning the house top to bottom. baking like a mad woman, keeping my hands and mind busy but also trying to be a bit creative to let her crawl back out.

sigh.

what inspires you?

what helps you out of a rut?

By edarcy | Posted in inspiration | Comments (2)

yawn and stretch

i stretched a bit this morning… not wanting to crawl out from under the warm blankets and cozy bed…

it was the phone ringing that finally pulled my feet out of bed and into some clothes.  rushing to get down stairs and make sure that the living room wasn’t a disaster and bag up the recycling  before the landlady came by to collect her rent.

come and gone.

steven still snuggled in bed… i figured i better start making the dough if it has to rise for a few hours. wanting to make sure to give myself plenty of room for error in case it turned into a disaster.

but it was perfect. there was no need to worry.

so satisfying and delicious… my hands are still smooth from working in the olive oil and flour.

while waiting for the dough to rise again, trying to be patient and leave it alone-i decided to warm the kitchen up a bit by baking some cookies. steven’s friend due over tonight- i figured it might be nice of me to bake something that they could snack on if they wanted something nice with their tea.

erin darcy photography

i used this recipe from last time, only i made them smaller, more two-bite size..which only means that there are more to share! : )

and it turns out, it was the perfect day for all of this heavy, warm comfort food.

cool rain and winds blowing in open windows.

this certainly isn’t doing any favours for my hips…

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but it’s too good to pass up. : )

By edarcy | Posted in domesticity | Comments (2)

mama mia

it’s so rewarding putting together simple ingredients, and coming out with something real…wonderful. delicious.

something that i made with my own hands. something that might not be perfect the first time around, that i have to make adjustments until it is just right.

growing up, mom and dad both shared the kitchen. a lot dishes included mom’s secret touches, while others were only perfect if dad made them. it was well balanced and wonderful.

the past month i have finally felt comfortable and confident enough to let loose and try my hand at baking.

i’ve been collecting recipes for a few years now. and i’ve been in love with food photography for a lot longer.

today’s recipe: pizza dough.

erin darcy photography

i made calzones. what is it about them that tastes SO different from a regular pizza? it’s the same ingredients… just. folded up.

like i said, simple ingredients…

erin darcy photography

it was my first time ever making anything like this, without the help and wise hands of someone else to make sure it was all coming together well.

wondering if the yeast would come out right… if i would knead the dough too little, or too much.

if it would rise….

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(my kitchen wasn’t particularly warm today, so i aided it along a bit…)

erin darcy photographyerin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

there was no reason to worry, because the dough was absolutely beautiful.

so perfect… the second rise it puffed up quite large, so i was glad that i let it sit for as long as i could. (meanwhile, the kitchen warmed up since i baked some cookies)

i don’t have a rolling pin, so i used a jar of tomato sauce.

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the dough was so easy to roll, and didn’t need much extra flour. it was super smooth..

(i separated it into four equal parts, but instead, combined them again-into half dough. i should have gone with my first instinct on the size needed… but i ended up just making one massive calzone, and left the other half of the dough in the fridge to make into something later on)

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

the monster calzone included minced steak, chorizo slices, onion, and mushroom with some grated mozzarella cheese.

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fold it over and make sure to fold the dough-and make a tight seal.

poke a few holes in the top to let it breathe.

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cut in half, or fourths… depending on who you are feeding and how hungry you are. : )

erin darcy photography

yumlish. perfect… but so filling…

the ‘toppings’ are endless. i was thinking of making a chicken one. oy vey… typing that out after eating this… the idea of that is just too much!

By edarcy | Posted in domesticity | Tagged , | Comments (2)

scenes

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

erin darcy photography

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (1)

movie etiquette

just a bit of guidance.. please.

1. wear shoes. preferably with socks. if you HAVE to wear flip flops (ahem. men. gross) then wash your feet! they stink.

2. if you have to fart, please… get up. and go out of the theatre and let one out. don’t hold it in and let it slowly slip out for 2+ hours. CHRIST!

3. your gaggle of girlfriends really… shut up. just shut up.

4. parents bringing your children, if there are choices of seats, don’t let them sit with someone in front of them. and, if you must- tell them to knock it the fuck off when they start kicking and pushing the chair with their feet.

aaand… i think that shall be it. you know, besides text messaging throughout.

just back in from galway from seeing harry potter.

have got to get something to eat, and perhaps fall into bed. i’m knackered. : )

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (0)

enter sandman

it’s 4:32 am.

my alarm is set to go off at 10:10 am, enough time to get up…put something in my stomach, and head to the bus for a day in galway.

a warm snoring body curled up next to me, off in distant places.

i finish reading the chapter i’m on, fold the page down… and turn off the light….

tick tick tock

a heavy heartbeat buried deep within the hot press ticks away. some internal clock to time the water heater to… it’s beat ticking heavy in the silence.

the rhythm doesn’t bother me….

it’s the non stop thoughts flooding my head. riddled with anxiety, thoughts and agendas added up.

go to sleep, you have to be awake in X amount of hours, what if you don’t hear the alarm?, make sure you ask for this ticket tomorrow so you aren’t charged extra, what else is happening this week?, saturday i need to do this this and that, i wonder how i’ll meet up with her?, hush…you have to be awake in so many hours…, i haven’t started on this yet and i really need to do that, shit-i haven’t sent this parcel off, oh i need to write an e-mail to her, how will i wrap this parcel?, what if i can’t do what they are asking of me?…  and then i continue to work through pictures and words of how i will soothe and ease myself into shooting my first wedding in august.

my stomach’s sick. full of an acidy taste of anxiety, it’s thick and swims…unsettled.

i’m too hot to sleep anyway.

i push myself up. pull my hair off my neck. readjust the pillows.

i don’t want to get out of bed, that’ll only encourage me to stay up.

‘maybe i should just stay awake until 10? i could last..’

i’ll read a few more chapters and that’ll take the thoughts away, and put me to sleep…

*****

it’s 7:39 am.

i close the last page of the book.

scoot down so that way my head doesn’t touch the pillow…

and still i am swarmed and drowning in this anxiety.

erin darcy photography

sigh.

my eyes are heavy and tired, but now there’s no way i’ll be able to go to sleep knowing i have to wake up in two hours…

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (0)

apron strings

i think this baker is going to have to put away her apron before it gets any more flour and sugar on it.

too many sweets… i’ve got to limit it to one sweet bake a month or something like that. because having all of this in the house is not good.

especially after having a heavy sweet, and today’s delicious ultimate comfort food- potato soup…

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accompanied with a delicious roasted garlic sunflower seed bread…

erin darcy photography

and it was delicious. i moaned through every spoonful.

sigh.

and then i put in a workout dvd, mel b’s totally fit.

i only made it through ten minutes before i was completely spent. sweaty and breathless.

it’s pathetic… i feel terrible about it.

it has to stop.

so i turned the dvd off.

haha!

but really. enough is enough. going to buckle down and try to shift a few pounds i think, or at least stop with this crazy bake fest.

By edarcy | Posted in domesticity, {daily} | Comments (2)

the joys of baking*trial and error

i’ve been wanting to make something with lemon in it for a while.

steven’s a chocoholic… so i have to decide to do these things without telling him… i’ll just get discouraged hearing him say ‘i don’t really like lemon’ HMPH!

but i found this recipe a while back, and after reading it, i couldn’t stop thinking about it. it sounded perfect… lemony. fresh. sweet. perfect.

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i had a few things that i had to collect before i could begin…

sigh. what have i told you about substituting things? please remind me next time i feel that i can’t do something-when i just need to find a different way.

bought a cheese grater yesterday, one of those big fat ugly fancy ones. it has two sides that are ‘zesters’ or…whatever they want to call them.

they’re really just shitty little teeth…

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after a few tries and ruining my lemons and wasting their peel, steven suggested i use a serrated knife. PERFECT!

i ‘peeled’ it with the serrated knife- a regular knife will cut too deep and get yucky white pip. is that what it’s called? i don’t really care. we just don’t want it.

after i had my pieces, i chopped them up as finely as i could.

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next, get your carton of blueberries…

erin darcy photography

oogle at them because they are so pretty…

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roll them around, eat one, oooh ahhh mother nature is a fine thing…

erin darcy photography

now stop that. get a hold of  yourself, they’re only berries.

now,  put them in a bowl of water to wash.

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ooooh but they’re still so pretty.

drain them, leave them on a towel to dry and begin mixing your other ingredients.

in one bowl, ‘sift’ together flour, baking powder, and salt.

i say ‘sift’ because i don’t have a sifter, and just use a whisk to add some air to it.

in another bowl- mix eggs, sugar, oil, yoghurt, vanilla extract and lemon zest.

once your pretty blueberries are dry, toss them in 1 tablespoon of flour.

mix the dry ingredients into the wet and gently combine. fold in the blueberries.

pour mixture into your prepared (greased and lined) 8 inch cake pan. (also. your oven should be preheated to 180C. i don’t know what that is in F right now. look it up. oh sorry.. was that incredibly rude? here, i’ll go find it for you… okay, it’s about 355F.)

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put in the oven to bake for around 45 minutes. (check it at 30 minutes just to see how things are going. my oven likes to cook hotter on one side. so i had to turn my pan-and bring it down one shelf after about 30 minutes of cooking)

meanwhile, cut one lemon in half and squeeze the juice into a bowl, we’ll use this later.

while you’re waiting and have those lemon halves there-that are already juiced, you could soften your elbows.

go ahead. just stick your elbows in them and sit there for 5 minutes.

i won’t judge.

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and time’s up. take her out.

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did i mention that i only used two eggs?

hahaha… i know. i did-because i only had two eggs, and didn’t happen to have any other egg substitutes (bananas, apple sauce etc.)  so you can see that my cake probably didn’t get the amount of lift it should have–or maybe it didn’t hold… i don’t know. but it fell just a tiny bit, i will blame that on the lack of egg.

let it sit and cool…

i’m impatient.

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oooh look! purple stuff.

or blueberries if you want to get fancy about it.

i peeled off the wax paper on the bottom…

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isn’t it pretty?!

too bad it’s trash.

at this point, i put it in the fridge because… i’m impatient. i want to make the icing!

now, that bowl of lemon juice you set aside- combine 1 cup of powdered sugar into it.

once the cake has cooled, pour over the top and spread around

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cut into cake and….

ARGH! WHAT IS THIS?! why are all of my blueberries at the bottom? hmph! that is not what it looked like in the recipe.

okay, so it isn’t as pretty. but it DOES taste delicious.

one thing i would change? i probably wouldn’t put the icing on the top-it was just a bit too sweet. i think the cake would have been perfect without it.

next time, i’ll use three eggs.. and i might get smaller blueberries-and probably set them on top instead of folding them in, letting them work their way to the bottom.

but guess what?!

the chocoholic even liked it.

i’d call that a win.

By edarcy | Posted in domesticity, {daily} | Tagged , , , | Comments (1)

sweet potato*

blah blah blah.

i once read something about writing for the living web-not the dead web, mind you. but the living… about how if you have nothing interesting to write, not to be a boring twat and write crap…

uuuuuhm…

*cough*

too late.

1. i’m bored. 2. i keep listening to the same albums on repeat… it’s annoying me, you think i’d change it already…3. i’d love to go sit in a book store and read all day. 4. why can’t i win the lottery? 5. maybe i should begin playing the lottery. 6. maybe i should start a new journal… 7. but then i’d have to BUY a new journal so it’d feel right. 8. i already spent enough money today… on a fecking zester. oy vey. 9. people are watching harry potter already, i’m going to see it this week-but i can’t help but feel jealous and kind of pissed at them. 10. i don’t even want to hear people talk about it, i won’t see it on opening day, maybe i should ditch the internet all together so i don’t have to hear it.

random conversation that is going through my head…

oh and i spent around thirty minutes putting together a collage of… things. wish list… something.

none of these photos belong to me

1. 1958 Italian tea cups, 2. lemon poppy seed muffins with lemon glaze, 3. thinking of sewing, 4. fruit jar, 5. ., 6. in the process, 7. this morning, 8. Jenni’s 24th Birthday Party, 9. self portrait with apron and tub

- i want a pretty tea cup.  no reason. just because it would be pretty and i’d take pictures of it.. and drink tea with my pinkie out.

- i want to make lemon poppyseed something. i haven’t found poppyseeds yet, the spice aisle sucks. i have to search a bit more.

- i want to sew something. a quilt. a…something.

- i am craving to take photos of an artist, a musician… a creator. i have so many ideas in my head. hell, i’d take pictures of a gardener… a baker! a.. SOMEONE.

- i want to make a cookbook. i’ve had the idea for a while. i suppose i have to cook stuff first. blah. i’m already over weight as it is… this baking stuff isn’t helping.

- i want some roller skates. i’d probably never use them, because i’d feel like a tit out here… but it’s the thought. plus. i could roller skate on my living room floor!

- i want a tub to soak in. it doesn’t have to be fancy. just a bathtub… hot water. ahhhhh…

what about you?

*random title… name of the song that just started playing. it was better than…’daydreaming at the hardwood floor’.

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (0)

yadda yadda

waking up to thunder rolling in the distance.

that kind of electric energy doesn’t fill the air often here… but when it does-i get butterflies in my stomach.

i love a good storm…

erin darcy photography

i’m supposed to be working on a commission piece. (i also have a post written about commission pieces blah blah yadda yadda that i am supposed to publish but haven’t yet.) but i’m finding the silence taking over me. drowning in it… i’m sitting at the bottom and i’m okay there.

i tried picking up something else yesterday, to keep my hands busy to help pass the emptiness that creators befriend… meh.

erin darcy photography

sitting. and waiting seems to be it.

listening to emilíana torrini… she’s good for the soul.

i could take pictures of my kitchen window every day… every hour. it always changes, but yet…stays the same. captures the silence and beauty of just… normal. dull life.

erin darcy photography

plateful of yummy comfort food…

erin darcy photography

roast chicken, peas and a creamy pesto pasta.  i didn’t expect it to be all so green…. but that’s alright.

oooh! did you notice all the green in ALL of the photos. : )

i’ll stop blabbing on and perhaps i’ll bake you something pretty and yummy tomorrow.

xox

By edarcy | Posted in domesticity, {daily} | Comments (1)