Monthly Archives: October 2009

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holiday mode

so i've put my etsy shop on holiday mode

steven and i will be leaving tomorrow evening, or really, the wee hours of saturday morning- to head to the airport and off to the states for a week.  we're both so excited! it will be the first time that my family is all together. the first time for us to meet our newest nephew.

while we are there, we'll celebrate our third wedding anniversary. three years already… i can't believe it. : )

meanwhile, the shop. my art…

i'm trying to figure out what i'm doing… and i know that there are quite a few people who are waiting for me to figure myself out too. ha! (i'm so sorry)

i would love for you to help me, i really need it- if you haven't answered on my flickr post, or my facebook post- would you mind answering here?

-what subject are you most likely to buy/want?

-who are you buying for?

-what room in your house would you most likely hang my art?

-what size options do you like best?

-is paper choice important to you? are you willing to pay more for better quality?

-would you pay more to purchase a print on canvas?

*please leave any extra comments , thoughts, suggestions. things you'd like.

i hope to come back from holiday refreshed and ready. i already have so many people waiting for comission pieces, praising my work. and it's so flattering, and also- so… daunting. ha! i hope that i can live up to all of it, and deliver. your love and sweet words for my work is so inspiring- and i want to do the best i can for you.

i really never saw myself in this situation. it was always one of those cute little dreams as a kid- 'i want to be a ballerina' 'i want to be an artist'

i'd apply to art schools to get their brochures- only to tease myself with all the yummy people and places inside. but i chose differently. 'i don't need school to teach me how to be an artist' -though sometimes i wish i could afford that, it kind of seems easier, like i'd really know what i was doing- like i'd be more professional, more on the ball, more… i don't know. i'd just be more capable it seems.

but i chose love.

and here i am…

painting. and selling my work, it's hanging in houses around the world…

le sigh.

i hope that you have a yummy halloween weekend!  i found such a cool recipe i want you to try it. and tell me about it. be silly and wild, but be safe.

-xo.

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (2)

the fray

i've been doing a lot of 'soul-searching' lately. (not really sure if that is the best term to use for whatever this is…)

seams coming unravelled just as i think i have them tied up well.

isn't that part of letting go? letting frays unravel and go where they may- like unruly curls that i love so much.

i'm trying to find the right balance for myself. not put too much pressure on myself.  in my art, in my health, in every aspect of my life. before i build it all up, stacking it on top of the list of things to do, people to not disappoint, right ways and things to avoid… before i know it, i end up at the bottom with no visible way out.

oy vey.. because when it happens. my poor friends.. goodness, they are so good to me.

frustrated and ready to stop. give up. chop off my hair with kitchen shears. put things on hold. cry. eat chocolate. lie, so i don't have to follow through.

but i have yummy friends, who listen to my crazies.

and instead i opened my eyes.. and put things into perspective. i decided not to rush my art 'business' into anything major- and just go with the flow, not worrying about other people- only myself.

i went to the salon and got my hair washed, coloured, and cut… and feel like a new woman.

i began a new cycle, and what felt like another failure when i looked in the mirror- i realised that it is time. and this is okay- and another chance.

but i still ate more chocolate. i deserve it.

–

i was inspired by miss kelly rae's post from monday. i even wrote hers down in my journal. and while i thought i would just leave hers there- because they were so yummy, and thoughtful, and written so perfect. i thought it might be a good exercise for me, and you to try.

what do you really want?

i want to relax. and breathe. and notice.
i want to embrace my journey-all of them.
i want to listen.
i want to make memories, while appreciating the present.
i want to always be grateful.
i want to accept.

i think i'll stop right there. i could elaborate on some that i have written, but i like them left open- to encompass all of my life, not just bits and pieces. i really love everything that kelly said- and have incorporated hers and mine together in my own smooooch to the universe.

By edarcy | Posted in journey | Comments (1)

chrysalis

this year has been so full of transitions…

it's been nearly a year that i have been treating my polycystic ovaries… what started out with thankfulness that i found out what was wrong with me, to an anger/depression/confusion/fear.

questions of how this will effect the rest of my life. fear that a positive pregnancy test would never happen, let alone a healthy pregnancy.

i slowly transitioned into being more proactive, understanding… i read more, i became my own health advocate. i stood up for myself and told doctors what i needed. i gained a little more control.

i moved from anger, doubt, and fear  to hope and blind faith that in time, my baby would find me.

nearly a year from the start, and i feel like i'm transitioning to another phase.. only i'm confused about what it is.

tired.

tired of fertility woes always being a niggly little voice in the back of my head. how it invades my dreams… how some days it's the only thing i can dwell on. tired of the emotional tidal wave each month that begins as hope, and crashes as a death of a possibility. only to be started over again.

–

i write this… because in this year i've been contacted by young women that have PCOS. reaching out and wondering what is their next step? what will happen? what should they do?

…and i forget how overwhelming those first moments are. those days when you are raw and pissed off… where it's not fair. where you feel doomed- the rest of your life. where life style changes are a must, and how do you just do that over night? where time starts to feel constricting, and rational thoughts of just letting it happens, become crazy irrational 'now now now'.

i forget how bombarded you are with negativity. with so much change. with so much to worry about. all this information being thrown at you. shitty doctors after shitty doctors- who either have  no bed side manner, or who don't seem to think you are important enough. old enough.

i write this… because i'm transitioning again, and i have no idea where it is taking me. i feel like each of these steps has been important for me… that i'm moving on, getting closer. and even as this next transition finds me wanting to learn to let go, to think less, to live more… that voice in the back of my head continues to remind me and sing with hope 'maybe this transition means that it's about to happen'

can you imagine..that everything you do- a constant little 'maybe this is it!'

and how over and over again. this wasn't it… when? how much longer?

–

you'll ask women who have been trying for years- and their secret is… stop trying.

this transition feels like i'm getting to that. to the stop trying. but i'm wondering how exactly that happens. maybe as much energy and emotion isn't put into it daily… maybe… when you settle down to sleep at night you don't imagine that there could be a cot in the same room, a little bundle with footies on, smelling warm and earthy.

maybe you don't spend as much time touching your stomach, imagining what life feels like under your heart.

and you slowly find a way to let go of the ideals of how it is supposed to happen, how it isn't fair… that you let go and realise that you never had control- no matter the medication, no matter the steps you take, no matter how great your doctor, no matter how many years you've been knee deep.

another chrysalis… born into another shape, body and mind.

maybe letting go is how you become a butterfly…

By edarcy | Posted in journey, {daily} | Comments (1)

morning cup

the air swirls with a perfume of sweet sugar..
i continue reading page after page, long after he’s fallen into a deep slumber.
final words… and the end of a cover.
there’s always an unsettled feeling when a book is finished. still vested in the relationships you have built with characters. dreams wondering how they are doing, what they are doing…

i get up and pad my way across the floor- the space in the bed where i lay is too hot now, to turn over and sleep.

the world outside is wakening- but the sky says different. pitch black, early fog glowing under street lamps.

looking out the window and watching other windows light up golden… i feel like i’m looking into a giant doll house.

knowing all too well that people are shuffling from their warm beds, sighing into clothes. hurrying down a morning cup to get their day started… the mornings that go by in a blur- but leave a heavy imprint on the mind.

am i crazy, to sometimes miss that morning commute to work? the waking up to a BZZ BZZ BZZ alarm clock- to be ready and out the door, a quick kiss.. not knowing what the day has ahead?  the long drive- noticing the quiet. the scents. the scenery. listening to a track, or listening to nothing at all but the humming engine.

i wouldn’t say it was work that i missed at all… just sometimes the reason to get up, get dressed, and get out. And mostly- a long drive on a straight road. swirls of blue skies and morning sun rises, early farm wheat-dewed and misted. cows with heavy breath still clinging in the air. the glide and hum of destination.

…and then i pour myself a cup of tea. head back up the stairs… smile to myself, because he looks so perfect sleeping there- and i just wanna crawl in and cuddle beside him…

cherish these days. these mornings. these moments.

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (1)

refocus

it's been incredibly quiet around here, and i've been wanting to write- just… failing at how to begin, or what to even say that has meaning.

…that i won't read later and cringe over.

how is it that october already feels like it's approaching it's end? it only just began- and began great. i felt like… this is the beginning. this is the top of the hill and everything will be down hill from here.

that great things are in store.

–

the nights have gotten darker. the other night- exactly a year after sheila (stevens grandmother) was in limbo between life and death, i passed by the very hospital she was in… the skies mimicked the memories, dark slippery wet ground, pitch black walls of night-still early in the evening. silence creeps in, because i have no idea what to say… because i think of all the things that i wished i could have asked her- stories of her life that i wished i could have written down to remember for always, to pass on.

i didn't touch on the emotions of the days surrounding her year anniversary. instead i played with a friend who was in town to visit. we laughed and made memories together. as life goes on… sigh

it still played in the back of my mind..

–

today, i'm curled up on the couch sick. craving a hot bubble bath and maybe some hot chocolate too.

i can count on my hands how many days it is until we leave for the states- to see my family. i get to meet my newest nephew and play with all of my sweet babies. i get to breathe the atmosphere of a different place for a week.

–

trying to work on being creative.. i get so excited to share what i have created- and then when there is tons of positive response, i start to freeze up. afraid that the next wont be as good, that it's a let down. how silly. need to refocus and create for myself.

–

fertility dreams just as i feel like i am going to take a break. try to get away from the emotional blah of each month.. each day constantly pulling on my heart and mind. those women who always say 'right when we stopped trying we got pregnant' …how DID they ever stop trying? how did they just..simply.. forget?

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (4)

belly laughs

my little love, susie- arrived last week…

she's from my home, but is in school across the little pond in wales. so i am so absolutely lucky to have her close enough for a quick flight over.

this past week that she's been here we've-

erin darcy photographyerin darcy photographyerin darcy photographywe made memories… i crossed items off of my list.

sitting on my couch, talking, laughing, drinking wine with susie.

making caramel apples.

on our last day together, we set up the tripod and played around in my favourite part of my little town

erin darcy photography

laughing, and making people laugh as they passed by. silly.. crazy american girls.

memories and stories that make us laugh until our bellies hurt.

can't believe that we've been friends for 10 years now. hee. my little susie.

erin darcy photography

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (1)

mama moments

tossing and turning in bed.

grabbing some paper and pencil to write words that twirl around in my head.

sweet thoughts still repeating from this goddess

the image of a pregnant mama, holding on to her babe. an image of a mama, showing her new babe to the older sibling. a mama… cherishing the moments between two babies. knowing those moments wont last forever.

i couldn't sleep until i got at least a sketch out. i'd close my eyes and see her clearly…

erin darcy design

erin darcy design

*prints will be available in my shop within the next few weeks

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Tagged | Comments (5)

{autumn showers}

erin darcy design

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (0)

sweet sinful sunday

i seriously had one of the best birthdays… there was nothing fancy about it- it just was… comfortable. down to earth. cozy. loving. it was so yummy to feel all the well wishes for me, from this tribe of people that i love- that are stretched far around the globe. people that are my friends, admirers, people i consider family. and then of course my own sweet little family. hearing happy birthday sung in sweet little voices, over the phone.

but i made cake-and there was no one here to eat it besides myself and steven… hmph. come over and eat this, please. because i have been eating it for breakfast for the past two days- and i don't have any self restraint. ;-p

it is so absolutely delicious. chocolatey. yum. make it for someone special.

erin darcy photography

my cake didn't turn out to be very pretty-because well… because i was lazy and didn't really care about how it looked. but it tasted fabulous.

cake recipe

after the cakes are cool, cut them in half- level the tops. you know…

now, i didn't have tons of great ingredients to make a really fluffy frosting to decorate the entire cake with. i could have run to the store.. but meh. so instead i made up a small batch of a simple frosting- which was super sweet, but in the end- turned out perfect. just the right ratio of cake to frosting.

frosting

whip it up and spread it through the layers. you might need to make more, since you split your cake into more than just two layers. look at you, all fancy.

taaa da.

let it sit for a while and mellow in it's own sin. and then enjoy with a tall glass of cold milk.

By edarcy | Posted in domesticity | Tagged , | Comments (2)

twenty-two things to do

yesterday was a gorgeous day… white fluffy clouds, stretched blue skies… old men flirting, leaving you laughing and smiling as you pass.

today, being my birthday.. my october. it only seems fitting that it's grey and cold and raining. oooh why didn't i pick up some potatoes for potato soup?! that would have been perfect. anyway.

so i was reading one of my yummy blogs the other day and was inspired to do something the same, only…well..for myself. er..

i wrote the list out the other day, but the next night- plans for the future had changed, meaning that things on the list would happen sooner than i thought- or didn't even imagine would happen. : )

twenty-two things that i want to do before i am twenty-three (oh god..)

  • carve traditional jack-o-lanterns out of turnips.
  • drink wine with susie
  • get another stamp on my passport
  • knit a scarf
  • buy a pair of sexy lingerie
  • go to the ocean
  • get pregnant with a healthy baby
  • have dinner in galway city
  • go to the cinema and eat popcorn
  • make new recipes
  • sell my art
  • have photos and art prints that i'm proud of, printed and framed.
  • meet parker, and cuddle my other babes.
  • explore somewhere new with steven.
  • drink champagne for no reason.
  • shoot a wedding.
  • win something
  • learn to crotchet
  • have mom and dad as guests in our home.
  • make gingerbread men with cian.
  • learn more irish words
  • have a current picture of me and steven.

i wanted to make a list of things that i really wanted, some things that put me out of my comfort zone, but over all- normal, achievable things… that have great memories attached to.

and then suddenly tickets were booked for us to fly at the end of this month, to florida-and have a semi- family reunion with my brothers and their babies!

and my lovey yummy friend, susie, will be here in five days… wine and laughter and jack-o-lantern carving. heee

i feel like the luckiest girl right now…

mama, oldest brother cody, and me 1987

what would you add to the list?  i feel like i'm cheating since i'm basically crossing stuff off before it happens. if you were to make one of these for your little sister, or, for yourself. what else would you include?

By edarcy | Posted in {daily} | Comments (7)