*this was written about two weeks ago… i never published it because i didn't know how to wrap it up.. and i also wasn't sure if it was something to share. i'm still a bit intoxicated in love with the whole thing… and i know well it doesn't make sense to anyone else but me… : ) *
'healers often have a blue colour in their aura…
blue is the ideal colour you need to work with to give or receive healing energy.'
i've kept this to myself a wee bit… not having told anyone- because it's slightly insane and silly.. and, well… it only really matters to me.
almost like telling a dream to someone- you begin with 'so i was in my room, but it wasn't my room… but i could just tell it was my room. and then my mom came in, but she wasn't my mom, but she was—-'
and no one wants to hear that.
(even though i subject steven to that all the time. ha!)
so… the other night before i settled in to sleep. i lay flat on my back with my hands pressed into the sore cramps slicing in my uterus and pulling at my ovaries. so painful, but making no progress on anything for me. so i pressed my hands in- thinking that maybe i could heal myself, as i try to when i massage other people. trying to pull the poisonous energy out…
i lay there, with my hands heavy on my lower belly, sighing to let it go.
and then came these colourful orbs… there were multiple, maybe five. all different colours. the one in the front- that appeared the biggest- was a bright electric blue. inside this light orb was a laughing baby, but looked like a buddha statue. rolly polly- laughing his arse off. mouth spread wide open, eyes turned like rainbows. such a deep belly laugh. the blue orb just hovered there with this jolly little buddha baby.
the other orbs, different colours (though i cant really remember what colours they were) were all filled with other buddha babies laughing. they all looked different, some rolling backwards with their legs up in the air. some clutching their bellies in a hardcore laugh…
all so happy and joyous.
the blue baby in the front felt so familiar to me- not that it looked like anything. it wasn't a real persons face, just like a statue of a buddha in a young, chubby form.
….and then after that, i felt calm.
i felt safe.
i felt happy.
like i just experienced the knowledge that my babies would find me when they are ready. when they find that space in the universe that they are needed most.
i didn't really know what to think of this appearance. i wasn't asleep at all… it wasn't a dream. it was just this feeling i guess. like they were mine, we belonged to each other- but were entirely separate. they had lives of their own- but we were still attached. them more mysterious to me, of course.
a few days later i remembered a friend of mine had recommended me to read 'spirit babies' of course i never did, and i didn't even look it up to see what it was all about.
still, i let that part pass.. being completely at peace with my own thing
until last night, when i was reading 'baby catcher' -she had a miscarriage, and her son told her about the spirit babies
and i thought 'woah….wait…'
+++
okay so this is where i guess i left off at, one night, two weeks ago. this vision didn't happen two weeks ago- it happened a bit before that but felt too precious for me to write down to share with anyone else.
after that, i looked up the blue aura and found that it was healing and calming… and was so beside myself that that is how i felt about where i would be on my fertility journey.
i even mentioned it a smidge bit to a few friends at the new year- and that especially after seeing this vision of this baby in blue, that i felt calm and ready and okay. knowing that my baby would come…
…and it has.
!!!!
little did i know it, but my babe was already making it's way, snug and getting ready. ..after two years of negative tests..
i feel like i have known about it for a good while, but through all of it i kept trying to force myself to think of something else… to convince myself that i was going crazy. so many signs pointing to yes, but i was so afraid…to yet again be hurt by a negative test and my own hormones…
i wasn't sure when i would be ready to share the news here, i've only just discovered the news recently myself… but i wanted to make sure that all of my loves knew before finding something on facebook or anywhere else. : )
i feel so blessed to have so much healing, guiding, loving energy surrounding me from so many hearts around the world… right here with me on my journey to finding my baby…
thank you for keeping me in this space.
(sending out so much extra love to my girls that are making their own way on their fertility journey. i understand how it feels to read… in ways you want to be happy, and in a lot of ways- you're just upset… and i want you to know that that's okay.. and that i still have a place for you in my heart. xo.)
