Starving Artist Ink.

i didn’t think that breastfeeding was something i would be so passionate about… i want to write about it- but what’s the point? people know about breastfeeding. it’s out there. people see it. it’s not ‘gross’ now.  apparently, nursing your baby is even newsworthy and debatable.

and then i realise- people don’t know about breastfeeding. and a lot of what they do know is based on ignorance. young women especially. and guess what? i’m a young woman.

i wrote about my fertility journey- because there weren’t many other women my age talking about their fertility. either they never thought about how their fertility might affect them, they didn’t care, or they just weren’t at that place in their life yet.

while i was in the hospital at 38 weeks pregnant for observation, i shared a room with another woman- i believe she was 25? we talked about birth and babies and which midwives we liked and didn’t like.  she told me that one of the midwives convinced her to try to breastfeed- even though she had NO plans to do so. it was gross to her. why would she do it.. so she was thinking about it. she said she would try for a week or so and see how it went.

oy vey.

so, i want to talk about breastfeeding.

i didn’t grow up seeing women nursing their babies. i am the youngest of three- and though my mom breastfed me for a little while, i was then formula fed while she went back to work.  i have never been around women breastfeeding…
any of my friends that have had babies tried- and gave up. my sister(s)-in-law both started breastfeeding, and ultimately switched to formula.  and you know what? i loved giving them their bottle. a few scoops of white powder, shaken with some water. holding my sweet niece or nephew while they guzzle their bottle.

so while i was pregnant, i researched bottles. like you wouldn’t believe. i wanted to find the best bottles- what were other moms saying about this one or that one. do you realise how many bottles and nipples there are out there? how many shapes and sizes and bag or no bag. plastic or glass. blah blah blah. reviews and ratings and. it goes on and on. bottles that are trying to get as close to the breast as possible.
guess what? you have two, perfectly amazing boobs- that are right- every.single.time. no reviews necessary! no reading or research. no nipple comparison. bpa free, made in china whathaveyou.
your boobs are right, every single time- and they have the food stored right in them too.. and you know what? you don’t even have to pay for it! free food. free storage. unlimited supply.

how insane of an idea is that?!

i bought bottles. i mean, you can’t have a baby without bottles right? babies and bottles go together. baby dolls are even sold with bottles. this is how we feed babies. milk comes from bottles.

while i was pregnant- i was told by a few women that i needed to get a small thing of formula to have ‘just in case!’ for a middle of the night emergency*. i still really don’t get it…. i went to the store and picked up a small, pre-mixed box of formula. how the hell do i choose which one? i turned them all over- reading the ingredients…

sodium citrate, l-tyrosine, choline chloride, potassium hydroxide, taurine, inositol, ferrous sulphate, pantothenic acid, l-trypotphan…etc.etc. huh?
(side note. do people not realise that babies are *gulp* people, and have taste-buds, would you try formula? especially after smelling it?!)

i didn’t feel good about any of them. but god forbid i don’t have some ‘just in case’. so i grabbed one, and hid it among my groceries. that might sound silly to you. it was silly to my husband. but if i’m honest with you- i felt dirty buying it. the same way i feel when i’m asked to buy cigarettes for someone. i’m there at the register wanting to tell the person ‘these aren’t for me!’ i’ll admit. it’s ridiculous. but whatever. it’s how i feel. lactivist inside without realising it at that time.

but here’s the thing. i can’t judge you if you feed your child formula. i don’t know your circumstances. i’m painfully aware that maybe you adopted. maybe something happened that prevents you from successfully breastfeeding. whatever. i know there are reasons. it’s totally completely your choice. milk banks are expensive and in a lot of places- hard to find, and milk sharing in taboo in our culture… formula was created for a reason-a substitute for breastfeeding. formula companies are constantly trying to figure out how to change their recipes to get formula as close to breastmilk as possible. why, when you’re producing what they are aiming for, would you choose their inferior product?

i don’t feel any way superior for breastfeeding- but i do feel an overwhelming desire to protect it… to normalize it. and to help women realize that not only is it not gross- but that it is enjoyable, easy, free, nothing else necessary… plus, it’s got some amazing health benefits too- for you and baby.
i still can’t get over the fact that a woman would give birth- and sit there, with swollen, aching breasts.. full of milk that was created JUST for that baby she holds so lovingly in her arms… but she’s holding the baby close- with a bottle of formula. her breasts bound to dry up the milk. ouch.  why???  why are you doing that to yourself?

i never got the whole thing of needing to protect breastfeeding until i started… and i’m fierce protective.
one minute you’re being told breast is best, and then the next minute- that very same health official is asking you when you plan to switch to formula. wha? ‘we’ll surely you wont when they have teeth!‘ ‘what about when they start asking for it!‘

i’m pretty sure i’ve heard babies ask for bottles, and that’s totally acceptable. but boobs?
babies are asking for food from the time they are born. we learn to recognize different cries for hunger- and over time, as your baby grows and learns to talk- their cries become words. and a hungry cry suddenly becomes a word for food. imagine..

i have no idea how long i intend to breastfeed. i’ll do it for however long my babe and i are both happy to. and i can’t even describe how amazingly rewarding it is to be able to feed my child.  i am walking food and comfort, i can leave the house without worrying if i have enough bottles, pre-measured water and formula, an entire clumsy bag for all of this crap i have to tote around. no worrying about being home by a certain time to feed the baby. no need to think about washing and sterilising anything.

i still think about that girl in the hospital and wonder how she is.. if she made it past the week.. if it’s still gross to her.
the idea that it’s ‘gross’, or sexual, or weird makes me so sad.
makes me so sad that they could be missing out on this…

*this is where formula companies like to get you…’middle of the night emergency’ they know that in the very beginning, some moms will struggle. some will be exhausted with a crying baby. some will have cracked nipples and the idea of putting their hungry baby to the breast makes their shoulders tense up. formula companies rely on moms getting to a weak moment in their hazy new baby state. formula companies rely on uninformed dads to influence the woman to give up, give in.
i don’t think that formula companies began this way- their intentions were not greedy and ugly. formula, a substitute for breastfeeding- human breast milk being the very first, very best, and should be the only option when available. but as the years have gone on- major corporations.. blah blah you don’t need me to spell it out for you. it’s a business, and business is booming when young women are uneducated and their power taken away. a nice little money tree was found when you offer ‘help’ during a vulnerable period. when money is spent on advertizing images of happy new mothers and happy babies with a bottle put into their mouth.
instead of giving advice to a mother-to-be to have an emergency stash of formula, supply her with the local number to la leche league, supply her with information to make breastfeeding successful and easy. give her the confidence to know that this isn’t hard to do, that with practice- it gets easy, enjoyable, and benefits both mama and baby. supply her with your support.