*i’m writing this here just for me. for no other purpose than to document my journey with birth. i make no judgements where and how you give birth. i only wrap you up, mama, with the love, goodness and respect that you deserve as you cross the threshold when ushering life in.
- i can’t watch a lot of hospital births without cringing. watching how they handle the baby that has just come from the safest, coziest place… a new life welcomed to this world- after such a tiring and probably confusing, maybe painful journey- watching how doctors in the hospital will roughen the baby up quickly, swiping out it’s mouth roughly, dropping stuff into it’s eyes, clamping it’s cord immediately, whisking it off to another surface to clean up- sometimes bathing right then- and wrapping up in blankets before being reunited with mama again. i feel like…
just give the baby to it’s mama..that all she needs… that’s all she wants. a bath can wait. the cord is in no rush to be clamped, in fact– it’s better that it waits. what’s the rush? these moments are never going to happen again.. slow down.. no need to hustle… stop talking, just. shhhh… welcome this new babe into the world gently, with love and compassion and great care. if mama or papa can’t catch the baby themselves- then just do the next best thing by laying baby on mamas chest- put a blanket over them. and leave them while you clean up. stop jumping in there with your gloved hands- rushing about the place.. there is time for all of that. time for measurements, time to find out if it’s a boy or girl, there’s time. but the time isn’t now. just… wait. please.
and then when it is time? introduce yourself to the baby. this person. introduce yourself to them and let them know what you are getting ready to do. ask their permission and be gentle with them. — the first time that i brought claire in for vaccinations, the nurse introduced herself to claire, apologized for what she was getting ready to do- directly to claire. and. well. she talked to claire. my baby… and just THAT. oh. my heart. i can’t even explain how much i appreciate that she took that little bit of time to be gentle and loving and treat her with respect.
- i really wish that the midwives/doctors in the labour ward would pay extra attention to new mothers. to welcome them to be the mother… because oh my, as a new mama in THEIR territory- you just feel like you can’t do anything or say anything. like you need permission, you’re afraid to ask… you’re unsure. and you’ve just gone through something you never really could have imagined. i just wish that they would gently remind you that you are the mama, you know best, and here– here’s your baby, look what you just did. you’re amazing. what would you like to do, mama? what could we do for you to help you into this transition? how about we’ll just back off and let you get to know your wee one- we’ll tuck you in to sleep…
when you’re vulnerable, it’s hard to question authority… when you’re treading somewhere new, and in such a strange environment, just having gone through such a big journey, exhausted, elated, a rush of hormones. the weight of it all, the last thing you need is to try to find your voice to stand, argue, go against ‘protocol’- when really, it should just simply be a given that you’re wrapped up and taken care of, and that your baby stays in your arms unless you ask otherwise.
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next time around, i do intend on listening to my gut and my heart on birth- and plan on giving birth at home. i really wish that i would have listened more to what i felt the first time around, but…i just didn’t know how important it was.
i mean, i *did* know. but i wasn’t really sure how to explain that to my love, who was unsure, and concerned that homebirth for a first time baby wouldn’t be the right way to go. (i believe that it IS… as your first birth sets the stage for following births) i trusted that since i was giving birth in a midwife run hospital- that i’d be in good hands, and, i was.. just not what i wanted, and not good enough.
i never expect to have control over birth, but there are plenty of things that i can control to have as positive, and healthy of an outcome as possible. like, i can find a midwife that i feel comfortable and confident with, who shares a similar philosophy as i do on pregnancy, labour, and birth. i can go into labour in my own time, in an environment that is comfortable, familiar, and conducive to the natural processes of birth. i don’t have any doubts or fears of birth, but if i did- i would educate myself more- so as to not be fearful of the journey ahead.
where you choose to give birth shouldn’t be taken lightly, we all want the same outcome- a healthy baby, and healthy mama. but it goes deeper than that. there’s also your mental health after giving birth, with the surges of hormones, post partum depression- and in some cases, PTSD after a traumatic birth, or.. even after a birth that wasn’t particularly traumatic to an outsider… if mama doesn’t feel safe, it can shift her entire journey of birth. the threshold she stands on in the realm of birth is carried with her for the rest of her life, and passed onto the child that she births. making an educated decision, it seems like a no brainer to choose home, where birth has happened since the beginning of time.
a homebirth would mean that
i could labour wherever i want in my home.
instead of labouring in a tiny shared room with another woman and her visitors.
it would mean that i could take a shower or bath in my own bathroom.
instead of walking down the hallway to the communal bathrooms, where another womans blood had to be wiped up.
it would mean that i would be supported by a midwife that i have known and trusted through my prenatal care
instead of getting the ONE midwife that made me feel uncomfortable the first time i met her. and that felt like she’d rather be anywhere but helping a woman to birth her baby.
it would mean labouring without having to lay in a bed, strapped to a monitor
it would mean labouring without someone pushing epidurals when you’ve already mentioned that you didn’t want one
it would mean no IV’s in my hand (that hurt like hell!) – and no catheter
it would mean no continued vaginal examinations, well hell. no prostaglandin gel to quickly ripen my cervix in the first place.
it would mean being encouraged to listen to your body to move how you needed, eat when you wanted, and engage in the process of meeting your baby.
it would mean having one on one contact with a midwife that isn’t rushing around and might be needed for another woman. a midwife that could answer any of my, or my husbands concerns
that i wouldn’t feel the need to have to be a ‘good patient’
it would mean that this is my territory, and i have welcomed a midwife to serve me. not the other way around.
it would mean not having to be scared that if i don’t do this fast enough/good enough i might have to have a c-section
it would mean that i would push when my body instructed me to, in any position my body instructed me to.
it would mean that i would have the option of birthing in a pool of water, or on the couch, or toilet, or bed, or floor, or stairs or. or. or. wherever. i felt like i needed to be.
it would mean that i wouldn’t apologize for crying, and if i did. i would be reminded that it’s okay for me to cry.
it would mean that my baby would be born into gentle hands, by either myself, my husband, or my midwife.
it would mean that my baby would be placed on my chest, and not moved from me unless absolutely necessary.
it would mean that the cord could complete it’s job of transferring all of the baby’s blood from it’s placenta to babe.
it would mean that i could have a picture taken of my newborn baby on me.. right then when i asked.
it would mean that i could nurse my baby when i felt like i was supposed to, when she started rooting around for it, instead of waiting.
it would probably mean that i probably wouldn’t have a second degree tear and need as many stitches. and if i did, there would be less risk of picking up an infection from a hospital.
it would mean that i would be surrounded by people that know me, love me, care about me.
it would mean that my family would be complete, right there. and now, as i have a child already- i won’t have to be separated from her. she could be there, or be taken care of in another part of the house.
it would mean that my husband wouldn’t have to go home an hour after meeting our new babe.
it would mean that i’d be fed, washed, and tucked into my own bed, instead of being wheeled into a cramped shared bedroom with another woman and her baby.
it would mean that my baby would stay with me, instead of a midwife insisting on taking her.
it would mean having my people, my support- there with me, 24/7.
it would mean that i wouldn’t be living out of a suitcase, having to leave my baby alone in the room while i walk down the hallway to the restroom.
that i wouldn’t cry and beg to go home with them while my mom and husband have to leave for the night, yet again.
it would be the most natural of occurrences. the most sacred, held between these four walls. and it would be treated with respect. given the time it deserves… and wrapped up in the goodness of our home, instead of the sterile hospital walls- that are reserved for those that need it – sick people.
i do not consider pregnancy or birth a sickness or an emergency. i do not consider it something unnatural and in need of assistance. therefore, i don’t believe that a normal, healthy pregnancy belongs in the hospital.
i do realise that sometimes, things happen. birth isn’t as smooth as it could be. there are midwives and doctors trained for such circumstances to help things along where need be. but i also believe that a homebirth midwife is trained to listen to the mothers body, and to the baby more fluidly than a doctor… that she knows the intricate ins and outs… that she specializes in pregnancy, birth, post partum. she lives and breathes and works herself to the bone to serve women and their babies. she knows. i believe that she knows more than any doctor who has spent years in med school.
a doctor is trained to heal the ill, to fix things that have gone wrong. and i don’t believe that they have place in a normal, healthy pregnancy.
with a homebirth midwife, her passion is in birth. i believe that she cares more about the overall well being of the mother and the baby (physical and emotional)- and will make the right call if that call is needed to transfer to the hospital.
i trust birth. i trust my body. and i look forward to letting go in the process of birth, in the comfort of my home- when the time comes again..
