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ahhh pinterest is such a delicious thing, no? a melting pot of inspiration and ideas.
i found the recipe for the most amazing chocolately chocolate cookies, a perfect bite on the outside and ooey-gooey of chocolate on the inside..
not ideal for your post holiday ‘cleanse’ heh. everything in moderation right? ALL OF THE COOKIES!!1! nom.
as this is the time of year for reflection, for making promises for the year ahead- i can’t say that any resolutions will come from my mouth, i have no desire to make a commitment to lose pounds or inches, i should probably make a commitment to be better at replying to e-mails and post.
but mostly, what i want to reflect on- is how far i have come with my art, and how far i have yet to go.
i started to dedicate myself to a 365 draw project- my goal is to better and better myself.. to teach myself technique, skill, discipline. to give myself a chance to push myself, to explore new styles and themes and whatever whatevers.
do you notice how when you’re in the process of growth, you want to purge everything? i want a clean slate, a fresh breath, no rules or boundaries. begin anew or just make room for more. sometimes i fight the urge to throw it all away, in an attempt to not close myself/shop up and off- i’m offering a little holiday sale, hoping to find homes for these paintings, rather than living their lives tucked in a drawer.
unlike the past two record breaking winters- of frozen lakes and pipes and toes…
this season has been wet- and exactly what i remember winter’s in ireland to be like.
what postcards of the season are you noticing around you?
so it was on my list – bake a pumpkin pie, they’re my favourite… the combination of cinnamon, ginger, clove… the brilliance of an orange pumpkin brought to rustic pie. everything about a pumpkin pie is the essence of autumn.
and so this year, i made three
t.h.r.e.e.
and i ate every bit of them
without any shame.
steven doesn’t like pumpkin pie, his loss.
the first pie i made was made using tinned pumpkin that i had saved. it’s impossible to find tinned pumpkin here, and almost ridiculous to try to find a pumpkin after oct.28th.
i lovingly stored that tin of libby’s pumpkin in my cupboard until thanksgiving day, while listening to christmas music and dancing about the kitchen with my wee helper.
i used the recipe on the tin- which you can find anywhere online. and then i got to working on my homemade one, using the pumpkin purée i made and stored in the freezer from october. i used this recipe for caramel pumpkin pie
(oh oh oh i made caramel! ..and then ate it off the spoon while my mama sat in my kitchen, thanks to the magic of skype)
mmm this recipe also called for more spices, the smell was delicious- the homemade pumpkin purée was a bit too wet though (but i also didn’t have sugar pumpkins or. whatever they’re called- so maybe my pumpkins were just extra juicy, after a day of the pie setting it was a bit better and less ‘wet’)
and then the third, i made just from imagination. a jar of my pumpkin, spices and caramel, this and that and lovingly in the oven and then in my mouth. ahhhhh
i think i have one more jar of pumpkin purée in my freezer, maybe some pumpkin spiced donuts are calling my name…
dear claire,
i will remember everything about this age, right? i mean.. how could i not?
but the reality is… i know that as remarkable and wonderful as things are now- there will be more and more to come, and these simple things i enjoy right now will be lost in my memory. that sounds impossible, yet looking at your baby pictures i already get this gut punch, ouch…my baby. my baby. how are you not that tiny baby any longer?
you are the most delightful creature in the world.
at night i lay in bed with you and rub your back as your nurse to sleep… i breathe you in, and take notice that your body is now so long- you take up more than half of the bed, spreading out and getting comfortable, i generally sleep on a tiny sliver of the side of the bed… your legs are long and push deep into my thighs, feeling your toes curl
i hum ‘silent night’ to you as you drift off into your dreams
sometimes you fight sleep so hard, thrashing and screaming until suddenly falling deeply asleep right when the lights go out and you’re tucked into the crook of my arm.
in the morning you wake with a smile and babbling.. i ask you ‘did you sleep well?’ to which you always nod, we continue our babbling conversation-or, you do and i try to sleep for two more minutes… until my face is met with your slobbering kisses, or my eyelids are pushed open with your chubby hands..
this past week you have had a cold, it’s the first time you’ve ever been sick- sore throat, stuffy and runny nose, coughing. that’s what happens when you kiss little boys that come over.. i kept vigil over you all night, as your breathing was raspy and difficult.. rolling all around, sleeping propped up on my chest, eucalyptus filling the air. ontop of that, your first two molars decided to finally push on through.
you are the most hilarious… and you know it. laughing at yourself.
when we bring you to the shop you either walk around with your nanny essie, smiling and talking to people- or sit in the cart and smile and wave and blow kisses..
people can’t get enough of you, and i can’t blame them..
when saying ‘bye’ you spend forever talking to them- making sure they don’t leave or hang up… forever blowing kisses and talking wildly with arms waving in the air.
you shake your hips and booty side to side when music comes on. you always find the rhythm.
you blink your eyes when we ask where your eyes are. you blink your eyes when we ask where your nose is. you blink your eyes when we ask where your ears are. (but before you mastered the blinking and winking, you pointed to your nose for everything. so… mastering one thing at a time is okay i suppose)
oh you also learned how to click your tongue. click clock
you are not just walking, you are running. everywhere. all the time.
climbing stairs and getting into kitchen drawers
pulling everything out and putting some back in.
you forever bring me your shoes ‘shuu?’ to put on, and your hat
and push a clip on bow into your hair, needing help to get it in.
a round of applause when it’s up.
you constantly yell ‘DADA’ at the top of your lungs
but ‘mamamamaMAMA’ always is yelled when you’re upset.
you absolutely LOVE baby dolls, babies, and older kids.
you’re mesmerized by older kids, when i bring you to the park you sit and watch them… try to talk to them, and sometimes try to lean in for a kiss and cuddle
you’re in love with animals- and always manage to spy a cat or dog and start mewing or barking and waving to them…
you love colouring and painting with mama
talking on the phone too (i have no idea where you get that from, we don’t ever use the phone..) you go and snatch up a phone ‘hii’ or ‘howya’ and some unrecognisable version of ‘who is this?’
i can’t get enough of you..
these cookies are one of our family’s favourites.
my papa and i would make them together, hot gooey mess of melted chocolate, peanut butter, and oats. some batches so perfectly perfect, and some that never stood up- so you’d eat off a spoon, still perfectly perfectly yum
our recipe is hand written by my great grandmother, her scrawl so light and beautifully slanted- an elegance and ease. an art. a little yellowed piece of paper in a book of family recipes- splattered with marks of goodness being made. (the recipe is also found all over the internet, there’s some variations- but this one is absolutely divine)
{ingredients}
{directions}
in a saucepan, bring the sugar, cocoa, butter and milk to a boil. let boil for one minute and then add the peanut butter (let it melt in), vanilla, and oatmeal. stir stir stir! it’s very hot.. so be careful with little ones helping. drop by the spoonful onto your waxed paper and let cool and harden.
enjoy!
she is a little mama
in love with her baby dolls
this little mama goes around the room and suddenly sees her baby, an ‘awww’ escapes her lips as her arms outreach- ready to hold her baby and cuddle it.
she pulls the baby close and gently says ‘shhhh’ as she pats it’s back and bounces up and down with it
she’ll continue with her ‘awww’ and give it a loud kiss on the lips, or two or three..
and then she’ll bring her baby to you to hold and rock and kiss- before eagerly asking for it back.
today we went for a little walk to get some fairy lights for the tree, we made a stop in to the toy shoppe and let her eye the dolls- she was on my back- each doll steven would hold up ‘awww’ and arms reaching out for a cuddle and kiss, before finally deciding on the ugliest doll in the shop was to be hers. her arms tight around it, not letting it go- covering it in kisses.
on the walk home, all i could hear right behind my ear was her awwws and shhhhs and kissing noises, her baby tucked in between me and her.
she is wild
i adore this age, how her personality is blossoming
she is such a gift.
i wonder if the things that i am bored doing, like drawing still life- is it because it IS boring, or is it because i’m not good at it?
it frustrates me- putting pencil to paper and trying to draw what i see- only to end up with juvenile shite on a page… and so i crumple it up, throw it out, and move on. drawing something from imagination instead.
i completely avoid the things that don’t come with ease- and i’m only doing myself a disservice.
right now i’ve been inspired to really work hard on improving my skill..
going back to basics and learning techniques i was never taught. the very basics of basic.
i’m not very good with self discipline- it’s harder to push yourself through difficult projects when you don’t have a master, a teacher- encouraging or forcing you through.
i think about inspiration, and how i work by muse only… is that a cop out? maybe if i have some discipline in my craft- i can master ways to create without a waning ebb and flow of muses.
studying the great masters and artists i admire today… their most key note is practice. practice practice.
and so i am… pencil to paper every.single.day.
reminding myself that it is a process, that where i am today- beginning, is the first step… and in a year’s time, with 365 days of putting a pencil to paper- i am bound to improve- it’s the law, right?
what would you like to improve on?
inside a cardboard box.
these days are full of sashaying around the living room floor, dancing together to christmas music
cutting intricate snowflakes from paper, each one completely unique (and taking longer than i remember as a child)
making paper chains to drape across the windows
baking another pumpkin pie, this time- entirely my own creation..
and just last night, as i noticed the rooftops glowing under the moon
the first stray snowflakes danced down from the heavens
only for a moment, only those lucky would have witnessed the first flakes this season.
we crawl into bed finally
pulling the blankets right up to our nose
singing silent night into her warm curls
feeling her feet pressed into my thighs
oh holy night.
