i’m sitting here on the couch, the laptop balancing on my lap… this sweet milky breath goddess on my shoulder fast asleep.
these days have gone by in a blur. some days i try to stay awake a bit longer- so i can take in more of the day, so i can look at her a little bit longer, so i can spend a bit more time with my mom while she is here… but then ultimately i’m exhausted and end up teary and needing to catch up on a bit of sleep- rather than spending any time on the computer catching up with the rest of the world.
now that i’ve gotten past the first two weeks- i wrote down a few things that were vital for survival, if i didn’t write them down after the first week, i’d sit here- forgetful of those early foggy days.
first being steven. from his support through labour, birth, and afterwards… his encouraging words- telling me how amazed he is at what i have done, at how i’m doing. letting me know that everything i am doing is right- and good- and that i am a mom… his extra hands to hold a drink in my mouth while i figured out nursing her (oh the thirst! i’ve never drank so much water in my life…), feeding me apple slices while both of my arms were in use trying to get her to latch on. fetching me towel after towel- for the amount of milk pouring out of me… taking his baby girl and holding her for hours on his warm chest- so i can sleep a bit longer without waking to her every whimper to make sure she is alright.
my mom. at first i wanted her here when claire would be around two weeks old- claire obviously thought different, and arrived just as mom was on her way here. i really don’t know how i would have gotten through the first week without her- i know i could have, but i don’t think it would be as smooth.. i think there would be more tears. she’s been the perfect reassurance. not to mention keeping all the clothes washed, food cooked, house cleaned, and another pair of hands and warm chest for baby girl to lay on while i sleep some more… i didn’t realise how much i needed her until she was here.
washable nursing pads- tons of them. i bought a pack of TWO. luckily while i was at home one of our friends made me six pairs. i still need more. constantly shoving them into my bra. soaking them. washing them.
cloth diapers- i bought one pack. i should have bought more… they’re the only thing that soaks up the breast milk without soaking through too fast like everything else. i also shove these in my bra….
lanolin- my nipple is so beyond cracked. i wouldn’t really call it cracked- it looks like a big chunk of skin is gone out of it. you really wanted to know that… but really… lathering it on and putting on a fresh breast pad. it’s healing..
nursing bras- different ones. ones that clip at the top, and ones that easily pull down with one hand. i hate wearing bras- and am now having to sleep in the things… get a few- easily soak through and has to be washed often…
breast shells- for engorgement, and collect the spare milk so it doesn’t just go to waste. (i no longer have to use them, but it was a life saver in the first two weeks)
breast milk storage cups- to pour all of that excess milk into so it can be frozen. mama has some serious oversupply… (at three weeks, she’s starting to get used to the let down.. so i don’t need these as much anymore. but from three days i had already hand expressed let-down milk- 18oz… to freeze. it would be such a waste to just leak that into towels.)
breast shields- using it sparingly on the poor wounded nipple for her initial latch on. is a life saver, or else i’m sitting here cussing, with tears rolling down my face at the pain of her first latch onto that breast. i took it off after 5 minutes, and latch her back on. no problems with nipple confusion.
ice packs- to ease the fire pain of engorgement.
non stretchy baby wrap- i’ve been able to wrap her up and go to the shop, walk around town… everything. she sleeps soundly and is safe, and also- far away from strangers hands that might be tempted to touch her. it’s been interesting with all the looks and double takes i have gotten with wearing her on my chest, i guess people here haven’t seen it that much. i’m wanting to get the ergo baby carrier as well- will be nice for when she’s bigger, and for winter walks- rather than pushing her in a stroller in front of me, she’ll be nice and snuggly warm on my chest.
boppy- to help position while feeding. i have two- one for upstairs and one for downstairs. also, buy or get someone to make a few extra boppy covers for it- as you’ll get milk all over it…
tylenol- undercarriage is a bit sore and bruised, painful back from the shifted weight and heavy boobs, cramps from everything settling back down to where it’s supposed to be, sore nipples. wise to take before things start to get extra sore.. oops.
phone number for nurse or lactation consultant. because there will be questions, doubts, uncertainty, tears
journal- to write what you’re thinking down at night while you’re trying to sleep but your mind can’t shut off…
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it’s all simple. basic things…
i’ve started to find a rhythm.. but i know that just as i say that- things change quickly.. a new learning curve constantly.
breastfeeding gets better and better each day… though sometimes i feel set back by her wanting to use me as a pacifier and spitting up from too much milk from it.
i have a little list of things i bring up with me for surviving the night; bottle of water, 3-4 breast pads, lanolin, 2-3 cloth diapers or towel, mobile phone to keep track of time and feedings. all stacked up and setting on my night stand.
(i’ve been writing this post for two weeks….)
she sleeps at night in her bed at the foot of ours… first for 4-5 hours. wakes for food, a change, and to smile and gurgle… then sleeps for 5-6 hours, repeat. then roughly 2 hours… then i bring her to bed to sleep next to me, where we can get roughly an hour. those hours of feeding though, are sometimes that- hours… feeding, changing, burping, rocking, sucking, rocking, singing, bed… fingers crossed. mmmm sleep.
also, i don’t know how anyone has guests in the first two weeks- it wasn’t until after that that i was able to actually wear a shirt… mostly going around the house in a bra, or topless, milky… people need to wait. it can be super overwhelming to know someone is going to come over- just as you’ve sat down on the couch to feed your baby… not fully able to cope on your own, needing multiple hands..
uhm… there were other things that i was going to talk about.. but typing one handed is making it slow- so thoughts are forgotten fast.. er.
…sometimes i can’t believe i’m THE mom… i am the comfort…. i am the person you hand the crying baby back to- where she instantly starts to calm… i’m that. and that’s amazing….
