Category Archives: {daily}


chakra tea

i’m currently taking herbmother‘s herbcraft eCourse

it’s wild and refreshing so far… my very first eCourse to take, so it took me a little bit to jump in and figure out how it all works.

yesterday was a beautiful adventure in discovering my surroundings, and really getting in touch with things growing around me in a different relationship. i have been slowly, over the past few years- taking notice of what grows where, through my photographs of interesting things, or searching for colour, or noticing the change of seasons… i’ve just now begun to identify plants- and it’s opening my world right up.

so, we were set out on a chakra-tea-scavenger hunt. in search of plants in a variety of rainbow colours to lay out, and then steep in a tea infusion.

i dressed my wee girl, and we set off.. i had locations in mind, but followed her lead as she walked the complete opposite way that i was intending to go. making our little adventure a two hour walk (our town is really quite tiny, can easily be walked in a matter of minutes- and there’s not much wildness in it. in fact, all the wildness had been manicured yesterday.)

two hours, in the wind. our legs carrying us.. eyes scanning the earth for colour. naming plants that i recognize, and filing away- that i’ll come back to harvest that one when i find the right spot.

there were moments that i wanted to cheat and pluck beautiful colours in areas that weren’t grown naturally- i wanted to have a gorgeous chakra rainbow for my first assignment, but instead, decided i really want to discover what is wild here, that i wouldn’t take much notice of.. discovering what medicine and food simply occurs.

there were plants i was cautious of, and only later identifying when i got home- that they were safe. i’ve made a mental note and will go back to investigate more.

on to the harvest and the tea!

i wrote down a little guide- to keep in mind the colours i was in search of, or the chakras to represent

there were plants that i wanted to harvest, like spring nettle and clover- that i kept waiting for the right moment and patch to use. but suddenly i found that we needed to get home, before the wee one fell asleep.. and when i was in an area that i wanted to harvest from- i was met with people that i did not feel comfortable around. so. we left it for another time.

after identifying each plant, i looked up it’s folklore and medicinal uses

and then i boiled the kettle and put my concoction together…  watching it steep together, the water changing from clear to light yellow.. noticing how some of the flower petals turned translucent, their colour seeping into the water..

i let it brew, and then drained the petals through cheesecloth. swirling the cup together- smelling it..
smells like softness, earthy, smells smooth and gentle.
a sip- tastes surprisingly better than i expected. feels smooth in my mouth, gentle, clean, relaxing.

i’m in love with this play, and i love the adventure to get out of the house and discover what is in blossom around… i’d love to do this with each changing season- in new places that we visit.. to just spend a day out, gathering whatever catches the eye. discovering surroundings in a new way, talking with the plants and finding out who they are, and how they can serve us. slowing down and savouring the bounty that nature offers, regardless of our concrete surroundings.

By edarcy | Comments (2)

words of the wise and wild womyn *moon time* shameless sister promotion

moons ago, i reached out to this woman that lives just a few hours south of me… in search of women’s circles in ireland- almost impossible to find. knowing that, like birth communities- they are rooted and tangled and hidden underneath.. but once found-a whole new world is discovered and opened up. spoken in hushed voices from woman to woman- cherishing and keeping our worlds sacred and hidden – invited in, initiation, trust, truths.

so, in a moment of desperation- i wrote to lucy… introducing myself, my wishes of finding like minded women here in ireland.. of finding other mamas to connect with. after years of living here- finally finding my voice, and the push to really find my tribe in the flesh. she received my e-mail while she was heavily gestating her first book, Moon Time- which came out in perfect harmony for my first blood spilling after birth.

i wrote about that blood… how sacred it felt. how mysterious and familiar.. how i wanted to play in it, discover and honour it fully.. how whole i felt in my body.

this month, this little blue book slipped through the blue door…

and i devoured it completely. i opened it during the day and let my fingers dance across the words typed. i read some while rocking claire to nap.. and later, i climbed into bed and nursed claire to sleep reading.. the moon peeking in my window the entire time- making the entire night sky glow white.

i couldn’t help but smile.. like it all came together so perfectly. i felt, while reading- that i was surrounded by sisters all over the world. connected by our innate truths, by our bodies, by our blood, by the stories and emotions we travel through our cycles that are all so similar, yet uniquely different.

what i loved about lucy’s book- is that it puts a name to these epiphanies during your cycle. reconnecting you again with nature, with the women before us, with the women around us.. calling out to women to be more gentle with themselves, encouraging them to look deeper into what their body is telling them. a way to honour these gifts that women are blessed with- that we live with for all the days of our lives. our innate wisdom and creativity, our wildness and our nurturing.  a book that gives permission to fully feel alive and honour what makes us a woman.

it’d be a beautiful guide to give to all girls and women- an initiation into the red tent. taking away the shame of our blood and reinstating the wisdom and trust of our bodies.

i am blessed to be connected with so many inspiring, beautiful, talented women in my life.
thank you, lucy – for gifting our sisters and daughters with your wisdom and wild way

By edarcy | Also posted in motherhood | Comments (4)

one size fits all – or. you know. not.

i wish that i would have written THIS article. because it beautifully sums up what is wrong with people’s perceptions of what normal/average/healthy is.  for all children, and people- that don’t fit perfectly on a graph..

do you have, or know a breastfed baby that is ‘overweight’ ? read up

i have been wanting to share this for a while, trying to formulate a post about what it is like for mamas who have children that don’t fit in with the ‘norm’. children that fall below, or excel above the boring average line. mothers who have perfectly healthy babies that are underweight, and those with babies that are over. children that take longer to reach milestones, and children that laugh at milestones as they race past them.

it’s all such a personal thing, this mothering life.. and it’s also so very public. we raise our babies together, we live in society together. we rely on other mamas and build our tribes.

after receiving a comment from a woman- i’m still puzzled by what her intention is exactly

‘I seriously love your webpage and I’ve been following you for months….but I gotta say….your daughter is so OVER-WEIGHT. I understand how you feel about breast-feeding, I totally get that. But she’s got a bunch of teeth now, right? She’s eating real food. Why are you still breast-feeding too? She’s been so so big for a long time now. Usually babies get chubby before they learn how to walk, but once they are up and running, that weight falls off. Claire is still big, so that means either she’s getting in too many calories or she’s not running around enough. I am betting she’s taking in too much calories. I really don’t want to come off as a bitch and I know it’s none of my business. But I am sure I’m not the only person who see’s the pictures of your adorable daughter and wonders why you think it’s so beautiful that she’s so large. Being healthy is one thing, yes your breast milk DID ALL THAT. But she’s this big now, I really hope you don’t continue on thinking that over-weight is fine.’

 

when i first read that, my heart started pounding.. deep in my stomach. the heat rising to my face, flushed.. embarrassed almost. feeling vulnerable and like a protective mama bear. and as i’ve been sitting here going through different emotions on how to approach this.. well, i’m making very public- because i know that too many other mamas deal with discrimination, nasty comments from friends, family and strangers about their parenting style, their child’s development and so on. i generally try to be very honest and open about things that society doesn’t always accept- from beauty and health, to parenting.

‘i really don’t want to come off as a bitch and i know it’s none of my business’
correct, it IS none of your business. and congratulations, you totally came off as a bitch..
‘i am sure i’m not the only person who see’s the pictures of your adorable daughter and wonders why you think it’s so beautiful that she’s so large’
i don’t really care what people think i think. and i think that my daughter is beautiful because she is. i would think she is beautiful if she was tiny and petite, or average, or exactly what she is.

what is most disturbing about strangers passing remarks to mothers about their children- is that they act as if they come from a place of well meaning- and the remarks and unsolicited advice are actually hurtful, and downright ignorant. what’s even sadder- is that there are so many mamas that are unsupported, in their household and in their community. they don’t have the tribe to reach out to for reassurance, and so they cave to the pressures of what idiots are telling them. regretfully, going against their best judgement and instincts- because someone thinks that they know better, and decided to take the time to ‘not sound like a bitch’.

i’d also like to bring light to the fact that breastmilk is the very best food for babies and children- and that whether they are walking, or talking, or have teeth- is absolutely no indication that they should stop breastfeeding. in fact, there is NO medical reason that you should stop breastfeeding before your child naturally weans, unless there is a cause of distress in the breastfeeding relationship between mama and child.

if a medical professional advises you to end your breastfeeding relationship- and it goes against your instincts, please seek a second and third opinion.. contact your local la leche league or lactation consultant, they are everywhere- and can help to arm you with information, scientific evidence, and ways to deal with discrimination.

mama, only you know your baby best.

and to those who would like to ‘not sound like a bitch’ then stop.
when the words ‘i know it’s probably none of my business but…’ come out of your mouth- stop.
when ‘i don’t mean to sound like a bitch’ comes into your head- know that whatever you are about to say, regardless of the intention meant- makes you sound more than a bitch. so. just don’t.
think. and think again. and probably just keep your thoughts to yourself, because only a mama knows her baby best. and who are you anyway?

By edarcy | Comments (27)

february 28th, 2012

  • watching an irish version of bob ross, whispering to the trees that he paints. story telling in his delightful irish accent
  • made lemonade this morning. i don’t remember ever making real lemonade as a child, maybe just from the powder?
  • black birds against a grey sky
  • addicted to dark chocolate. a bitter taste that i would scrunch my nose at, i am now devouring and savouring.. and salivating just thinking about it.
  • new pants, a size smaller. again. i actually have no idea what size i could really wear, the idea of smaller and smaller pants seems ridiculous to me. i’ve never worn a size 8 in my life, so the idea of even trying a 6 seems ludicrous. wondering what size my body would be if i actually dieted and exercised, rather than living off of dark chocolate and breastfeeding.
  • waiting for a book in the post
  • looking forward to flying home this summer. not looking forward to leaving steven for a month..
  • listening to the washing machine churn my clothes
  • thinking about my GMIT application again. erg. quickly running out of time and need a nudge to actually get the application in for a part time space in their bachelor of art and design program. one day a week devoted to myself and my art sounds absolutely amazing.. and yet…. the application form is tripping me up and stopping me from doing anything about it.
  • marvelling at how very big my wee girl is these days.. how words are finding themselves in her mouth. seeing her mind work in piecing things together, mimicking us… discovering more of the fire in her personality
  • meeting up with a local mama, claire running wild with her girls. red cheeks and sweat dripping from her curls. grateful.
  • chili on the stove
  • noticing this pattern as my babe transitions into child… the patterns of how she needs me shifting, sleep..  the most notable, how there were weeks and months where she only would sleep on you, never to be put down. how there were weeks and months of wearing her to sleep only. how there were weeks and months of nursing to sleep… how now, you ask ‘are you ready for bed?’ met with a big nod and a little body shuffling across the floor to start making her way up the stairs to bed.. how she’ll nurse until she’ll full- and turn over to get comfortable before drifting off to sleep..  amazed, even though there’s no need for me to be- just simply being.. allowing her to transition on her own from infancy to child. to grow up and away on her own terms..
By edarcy | Comments (3)

babywearing library – finding the right size

i’m sure people are rolling their eyes by now. i’m addicted to babywearing. i’m absolutely in love with my Ergobaby and would recommend it to anyone- in fact.. if someone were to ask what they need for their baby, i’d say just your boobs- and a GOOD carrier (like.. not a babybjorn. heh)..

anyway, claire is incredibly big for her age. she’s way above the scale for weight, and above average for height.. the ergo was increasingly growing smaller and smaller and getting more uncomfortable on me. i thought that maybe it was just the end of our babywearing days, that she’s too big to be worn without expecting some amount of discomfort. my hips were killing me after wearing her out and about- but i rely so heavily on the carrier, especially when we’re at home.. it helps for when she’s feeling clingy and i need to get something done.. if she’s upset, it ‘resets’ her mood and calms her down- and most of the time lulls her off to sleep. besides my breasts, it’s a major parenting tool- and has more than paid for itself with the amount that i use it. priceless really.

so, i was sad to think that that was it. until i found out that there are toddler and pre-school sized carriers. laaaaa!

i borrowed the kinderpack from a mama in dublin

and now i have the chance to check out a few carriers from the babywearing ireland sling library. this week, i got two, the huckepack toddler, and the kimimela wrap carrier

first up, the huckepack. i’m in love with it from the very start.. it feels just like an ergo, only bigger- coming up over claire’s shoulders (as it should) and allowing her to feel cocooned and cuddled in. immediately the weight is well distributed across my body and i feel like i can carry her forever comfortably. (it was getting to the point, in the ergo- that five minutes was killing my shoulders)
there’s more bits to adjust on this carrier- which seems like it would grow well for a child growing taller, or for the wearer- to allow mama or papa to use it easily.
the first time i put her in this carrier, she cuddled right in, got her ‘ma’ out- and nursed to sleep. magic..
now i just need to save up some money to get one!

next, the kimimela carrier

so, i’m in love with this carrier too.. i just wish that i would have had it when claire was lighter (this girl weighs 47 pounds)
i fits so comfortably, and is made so beautifully- i love the style, i love how it ties.. it feels secure and allows you to adjust the tie to hide any muffin top that other carriers seem to enhance.
i definitely want one of these for my next babe. and again, when i put claire in it- she cuddled up, nursed- and went right to sleep..
tying it on, for me- was almost instinctual.. i didn’t look  up any guides- since i was well used to tying a woven wrap from when claire was a newborn.

what is your favourite carrier? have you ever thought to check out some slings from a babywearing library? it’s kind of brilliant.. all i paid for was shipping, and i get to test them out for a few weeks before sending them back on for another mama to try out. i love that..

By edarcy | Also posted in motherhood | Tagged | Comments (7)

february 17th, 2012

. brewing some tea.

. listening to sigur-ros

. grey clouds moving heavily across the sky

. closing my eyes while listening to a friend’s recorded voice.. her poetry sailing me off.. soaring into a childhood’s imagination..fairytale. her voice like soft powdered sugar, so sweet and delicate.

. day dreaming about a road trip to the cliffs. with wellies on and wild sheep.. the wind in my hair, whipping my cheeks red.. sandwiches on crusty bread, hands held.

. thinking about what it is i will leave behind.. what stories will be told, what memories will be held. thinking of sheila (steven’s gran) and her skin, her soft hands rubbing together without thought. her little habits, the sound of her weight sighing on the banister as she’d walk down the stairs in her bathrobe.

. savouring the taste of a rare oreo on my tongue.. ah-ha.. that’s the taste, like a burnt roasted marshmallow.. how did i never discover that before?

isn’t life so fucking beautiful? i mean really… these simple mundane tasks..

By edarcy | Comments (4)

the gifts of today

bulbs pushing up from the rich mulch of autumn and winter
their brilliant colours, and promises of returning light and life
the abundance, and sacred hum of fertility.
sheep, heavy.. begin to lamb steamy, slippery black babies in the fields
there will be births and deaths, and it will all unfold, just so..

the skies are so deeply black at night, and knowing that just a few paces north- brilliant hues of green and purple dance across the night
mysterious and murky, and all the divine secrets of the universe colliding in one spilling of paint on the earths surface
sliding off into nothingness, as if it was never there at all… a hushed secret
it makes me ache, knowing that it’s right there, unreachable… like something in my bones and blood needs to witness the magnificence of northern lights

with all of these tangling roots.. stretching and sighing under foot
i’m brought back to planting my own roots down firmly
my feet to the earth, with a stretch and a heave and ho. cracks and pops in my young bones.
my fingers aching to dig into the rich soil and untangle some fine mess
to sow seeds and nourish our bodies in the summer sun

getting spun around dizzy, too caught up suddenly- in living in the future of ‘what ifs’
a gentle reminder
to simply be
and enjoy these gifts of today

By edarcy | Comments (2)

spiralling

i suddenly found myself in this downward spiral funk..
hormones shifting as my baby grows into a more independent soul
my breasts emptier, less full.. signs and symptoms of the return of a moon, only to be let down- no blood yet.
signs and symptoms of fertility returning, but met with the confirmation of a negative ovulation test
signs and symptoms, possibly pregnant? two negative pregnancy tests.
a baby clawing at my sad breasts, going back and forth trying to get the milk she desperately wants
all the while, becoming a puddle of tears- wondering what is going on in my body, and upset to think of her weaning because of whatever my body is doing..

all a tangle and twist of ‘why am i feeling this way?’
aching for signs of being ‘cured’ of PCOS, and emotional, knowing that my baby is quickly growing from her babyhood and well into a toddler.
the sudden dawning thought ‘what if i have to go through (in)fertility like before?’ i can’t bring myself back to that place.. it seems impossible to be there again when i have claire, when i don’t want to focus any energy and be in such a negative place hormonally and emotionally.

but of course, i wouldn’t be going back to ‘that place’. there is only the journey ahead, whatever that might bring. i’m not in the space to even think about that.. still.. the what if’s are calling..

the past few weeks have been so odd.. up and down, split. my stomach turning with the sky. rain and drizzle and the promise of the sun coming through.

tears spilled and breathing in the scent of my baby, as deeply as i can. holding her tighter, longer.. studying her face as she sleeps. all part of it.. this mothering thing. of letting go and making room, of letting babies grow up and explore further away. it’s bittersweet- i love watching her interact with people, so bold and brave and unquestionably loving everyone… and at the same time.. my baby. my baby. my baby.   my baby, stay my baby forever..

–

all this funk and hormonal shift. this moon and her intense pull..
trying to remember to nourish myself in ways that is good for my soul.
sepia melting on my tongue
hips swivel in circles in the hoop
bring myself back to my art..
nourish myself, lovingly.
a reminder to feel, whatever i feel.. without judging it. (sometimes that’s the hardest thing.. right? simply be.ing. without judgement)

how are you nourishing yourself these days?

By edarcy | Also posted in motherhood | Comments (4)

words from this little mouth

‘thank you’ – dak ooh
‘please’ – deeeeeees
‘love you’ – laaa shuuu
dada – dada
mama – mama
baba (baby) – dada
baby- awww shhhhh *kiss kiss*
moo – dooo
dog – woof woof
cat- mmmeeeaaaww
peek-a-boo – ahdoo
hi – HIIII!!
night night- nini
shoe- shuuuu
*sneeze* – aah aah aaah
what does daddy do? – *lifts leg and farts with her mouth*
where’s your muscles? – *grrrrr*
1-2-3 – ‘ahn, doo, dee!’
‘milk’ – *chomp chomp*

the best ones, of course… are her own, long winded stories with arms flailing in the air..shoulders shrugging, and eyes waiting for your response.

By edarcy | Also posted in claire | Comments (2)

january 20th, 2012

By edarcy | Also posted in {365} | Comments (2)