Starving Artist Ink.

as i feel this girl roll across my belly… all the years start to pass me by.

first moments and milestones… birthdays and memories.

and all of a sudden, i'm not having a baby any more- because my mind has drifted, fast-forwarding to raising a young woman. i see it all in my head in a silent motion picture…

and it's here where i learn to be present.

where i feel the rotating earth, how time slips through your fingers like sand…

how this babe inside, who i have yet to see…touch…smell- has already grown before me.

but then i breathe, and realise that every day has an opportunity to be wonderful. every day is something new, unique, and cherished. and i will practice being present now- so i can savour every day that i have, in witnessing this girl who is to be ours.

a daily practice, to not live in the future… dreaming or wondering or thinking about 'what if'. because all we have is now, all that matters is now… and life is happening before our eyes.

remember when i was doing that 'grateful daily' thing? (it was inspired by this yummy goddess)

well… as you are aware- i am not so good with following through with projects.. that's not the point though.

the act of taking the time each day, or every other day- to remember what i am grateful for really brings everything into perspective.

suddenly shitty little things don't matter any more. your entire day can be shifted from bad to wonderful…

my sweet friend, deb is the queen of bringing it back to the earth, to the heart and soul… she is light.  you won't catch her complaining about anything- without finishing it off with 'but i am so grateful for this.'

she inspires me to remember to do this. she makes me want to be better.

it's not like she's overly cheerful happy happy sunshine… she's real, and genuine. has dealt with things that a lot of people don't have to deal with, and things that many others do-she just chooses to deal with them differently. to see the greater picture- or to remind herself when things start to get hectic and crazy of what she has- and it grounds her, and makes her appreciate everything even more.

and with that- she is light, her soul is intoxicating. she is so yummy.

she honours the light inside you, believes in you, coaches you.

she makes the chaos calm down, and put you back in your place gently. and i love it… and i want to learn from it.

i am learning from it.

i have so much to be thankful for, and i think it is in good practice to find a time, a moment, a thought- each day to bring things back to us. to now. to remember what we are grateful for. to find a blessing in everything.

rather than waiting all year (for those who celebrate thanksgiving) to have an excuse to remember.

—

although, i'm having a hard time finding the blessing in these pimples that just popped up on my cheek. deb?

i felt like i was drifting, sinking…

but my libra scales just needed balance.

(excerpt from my diary)

it's amazing what being out of sync with your love, your partner, your other half.. can do.
how not making sure to connect
can shift things,
cause you to drift-unknowingly
into the far deep-
and you don't realise that you can't see the shore…
darkness falls-and you wait for the light to rescue you-only,
light doesn't come…
it doesn't know that it's lost as well.

and then the tides come in
crash against the rocks
fresh salty water…
reunited again.
the sun shines in the day, and the moon keeps watch over the night
and the stars navigate a path home…

a reminder.

i am better today.
i am grateful today.
i can breathe today.

—-

i realise that this may all sound so silly.. it is what it is.

i need a rock. a constant. i need physical contact like i need air or water. i need balance and to be in tune.

i need to feed my soul, and ours.

what throws you out of balance?