i haven’t started to explore the idea of possible (in)fertility again just yet, bringing myself back to that place seems impossible, but of course- it’s always there. maybe this time it’d be different if it were still a struggle, because at least i know now that my body can achieve a healthy pregnancy, birth, and nourish that babe.
i’ve yet to have a moon that brings the blood again, and while most women would be thrilled to not see a period for over two years- i’ve been craving the release, and eager with anticipation to get to learn my body all over again. i feel like there is a possibility that i’m ‘cured’ from PCOS, but who knows yet. exclusively breastfeeding for a year, and continuing to nurse on demand around the clock is suppressing any notion of a fertile womb at the moment.
we take the wonders of that cycle for granted in our society these days… your blood is a burden, embarrassing, or dirty. young girls standing on the threshold of womanhood- learning from their sisters before them, their mothers and aunts and cousins… hearing ways to get rid of it completely, hide it, don’t let it ruin your plans, your life..
this beautiful organ, a vessel of life- that brings great mystery and power to women.. this vital piece of our make up, that we treat like it’s shameful, too private to talk about- and too unimportant or complicated to learn and understand.
as this girl blooms into a woman, she’s introduced to pills to suppress it, control it, and take her one step further away from her body- stopping ovulation. she’ll probably be on it for years, try different versions- because they all really suck and have crappy side effects, but she’s never known any different, she’s never been taught any different. in basic biology and sex education, she’s taught that she could get pregnant at any time, from almost any surface… she now is at the mercy and control of a pill, or shot, or implant. she is at the mercy of machines that make medicine to cure. what are we curing exactly? naive of how her body works, or if anything is abnormal with it at all, she takes the pills until it’s the 7 little white pills, representing her cycle – or maybe it’s come at an inconvenient time, and she’ll skip it altogether. (because THAT sounds super healthy)
how empowering would it be to give that young girl the tools to know her body individually? it’s unique make up, the way her body works- not the perfect textbook example, 28 day cycle, pill popping body. but the way that her body is beautifully and perfectly made? what about empowering her to know the days that she’s fertile- so that she can prevent pregnancy should she decide to be sexually active? giving her the tools to make better decisions for herself. empowering her to simply know her body, no surprises, no mystery to unfold- that the second something changes in her cycle- she can identify that something is up.. identifying how the food she eats, the activity in her life and stress impact her.
i feel like i instinctively always knew that i had something up fertility wise.. i dreamt of being a mama, but always had the feeling that it was going to be a struggle, my worst fear- even then- was not being able to have my babies.
a late bloomer, my moon blood spilling on my 14th birthday- initiation into womanhood as i blew out the candles.
there was the awkwardness of school, of learning the tricks of the secret femme- sitting on uncomfortable pads, ready to go home and sleep on a heating pad, cradling your aching belly. there were spots, lots of spots- leading dermatologists to put me on birth control, and later on accutane. later yet, i switched to different forms of birth control- to ‘regulate’ my cycle. every pill, the ring yadda yadda- every bit of it was only putting off the inevitable, and taking me further away from knowing my body- knowing the underlying issues..
what if i would have known my cycle as a teen? what if i would have let my hormones balance themselves? what if we were aware of polycystic ovaries and other fertility issues that we like to cast to only business women in their late 30s?
when i’ve talked to some friends that are the same age as i am- friends who are far from ready to begin a family, i’ve been told that they don’t need to know anything about their fertility- because they don’t want a baby.
but this isn’t about a baby- this is about YOU..
this is about your body, your health, like any other organ in your body.
this is about having the choice, the confidence, and the control over if you want to avoid pregnancy, or achieve it. empowering you in your body.
i think the word ‘fertility’ is throwing them off, and things that advocate ‘natural family planning’ can be misleading- as you aren’t planning a family at all. (and could possibly be off putting as the term has been coined by the roman catholic church)
fertility awareness, do you practice natural family planning? how did you learn about your cycles?
(for anyone that doesn’t and would like to- Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a great place to start) *it’s as simple and easy as looking for the signs of impending ovulation/fertile fluid while going to the loo. no need for charting or temping if it’s not your thing. taking notice of how your body is communicating with you.
am i wrong in believing that this should be taught in schools?!
i feel like it’s such a privilege and honour to have a daughter, that through the years i’ll be able to give her the wisdom of our brilliant bodies..
11 Comments
this is something that i often think about. i do think it should be taught in school, not every girl is lucky enough to get that kind of information from their mothers. I went to catholic school in France, and clearly remember the biology teacher sneaking sex ed, how she told us to keep it quiet because the principal disapproved of it. I am still a little sad that my mother didn’t share much with me about fertility and being a woman. This lack of knowledge unfortunately got me into trouble…live and learn.
Now, as a young woman i have had my share of bad experience with the pill and other forms of birth control. When on the hormonal IUD i stopped getting my period for 2 years and I remember the feeling of intense release i experienced once I had it taken out and my periods came back. It was good pain
are you thinking about another babe?
light and love for your day
Erin, this topic is so interesting to me. I wrote about this, but then lost my words, and I will write them again.
This is something that I talk about with people every day. I believe firmly in everything you say, I am convinced that all this must be taught and talked to little ladies, as well as boys, of course.
I never had a trouble with my period or cycles, which means that they were never very regular, but I never hated it. I always loved it, and everything about it too. My sister used to have so many issues around her body (she still has, major issues), that I thought it would be the same for me. But it wasn’t. I always loved being a girl and what comes with it. I never feared the blood (which I must admit was never too abundant or “trouble maker”), and didn’t dread the symptoms that come with it.
But I was never taught anything about it. Nothing at all.
And with time I learned to pay attention. I made a list of everything that happened during the month, for many years, so I could figure out how to know things in advance, how to forgive myself for grumpyness and such, and how to treat the symptoms naturally without “hiding” them, or their origin.
My daughter came along with me to the bathroom since she was a baby, and I never hid myself from her, so it was only natural that she asked a few questions, in time, like “what’s that”, or “how come there’s blood and it’s not bad”.
I answered each of them with the most simple words that I could, according to the question and her age each time. Of course, there were missunderstandings! But funny enough, we could wipe them off quickly.
I think that this is the best way to introduce this whole feminin thing to girls: when they are growing up, but from early stages, naturally.
As the mother of this wonderful offspring, she has broken the chain of our normal everyday functions for her next generations to come. It has been an honor to have her there for me when I was going through my bad time that eventually ended in a partial hysterectomy that almost killed me. I told her that I had done mainly what others had told me that worked for them, but why? Her father had already had his vasectomy after she was 6 months old and we agreed no more. Though secretly I would have had at least 3 more if I could have. That someone how one of the sperms survived.I felt she was a leader as a child and need siblings to lead. But instead she had puppies,kittens, horse and sheep to lead. Not sure if that every made up for it, but she did love them so. All of my babies are precious to me, even for the ones I didn’t get to have. It comes with grandchildren. I think Erin would have liked to have least gone through one pregnancy (other than hers) when she was still young. She would have like to lay her head on my belly like her brothers did to see if they could hear their new sibling coming. Her brothers are wonderful men like their father and Erin my baby blue eyes still looks to me for validation in things that she has read. She is on the right path, the path that will make her better and better for whatever she eventually she will become. I envy her very much, but miss her here under my heart where she will always be, until time takes us away from each other and then the bond will not be broken…….
Oh Erin, this has brought me to tears. I know exactly what you are talking about. Unfortunately, it makes reading this that much more painful. I am going to PM you. I need to tell you something important. I will send you something next week. This is beautifully written and so very important. Love to you.
I totally hear you on these issues.
I wish I had been more knowledgable, more comfortable with my body at a much younger age. From birth. And I’m grateful that I’ve known and had the opportunity to emulate wise women that I’ve met as I’ve grown older. My body and my cycles are a normal fascinating part of me now, even though I’m still learning. Everything seemed such an embarrassing enigma when I was young and I wish it hadn’t been. It really does get passed along for better or worse from mother to daughter.
‘Taking charge of your fertility’ is such a great book. From it I learned exactly when I ovulated and how to tell, and with this pregnancy I know exactly when we conceived (some caregivers cock an eyebrow at this while others say, ‘of course you do, you know your body best’) and know just when this little one will be joining us, give or take a couple of weeks at their discretion.
It’s an ongoing journey. I wish you the best on yours.
Oh! I want to stand up and clap – I agree with every thing you say, Erin. As an adult, I have never had any qualms about my menstruation [I hate the word period]. It is a simple fact of life. I’ve talked to every partner I’ve had about menstruation, and my experiences of it, whether he wanted to hear it or not. My view is, if we’re in a relationship my menstruation affects you! I think I’ve taught some of my exes a thing or two.
Victorian ladies used to “take to their beds” when they were menstruating, and I often wish I could do the same. Alas, I have a job, so I can’t. But I honour my menstruation by doing as little as possible – for example, I don’t exercise for the first two days other than very gentle yoga and walking. I cook simple foods and try to eat lots of fruit and veggies. I use cloth menstrual pads when ever possible [not always possible at work].
It was different when I was a teenager. I was a very late bloomer – first menstruation came a month off my 16th birthday. It sure made up for lost time. I had my period every 10 days. I was paranoid about any one knowing I had my period. My experiences of the pill were unremitting awful, and I’ll never go on it again.
I really wish they taught this stuff in schools. I was completely lucky to take a really awesome Health class in college. The instructor covered this stuff for 2 months and I learned A LOT!! Its just a shame that I really didn’t learn much about fertility until my early twenties. I was on the pill for two years and it was an awful experience! After paying close attention to my body, I have been able to both prevent and to conceive. It really is about knowing and understanding how YOUR body works. I agree with how its quite ridiculous that menstruation is treated as something to be shameful of when its such a natural part of being a woman.
so beautifully written! I enjoyed reading this so much…. amazing how blinded we can be.
Hi! I loved this post. I’ve been practicing fertility-awareness, (the Sympto-Thermal Method) for 3 years now. I love it. I feel the same way you do, it’s not about having a baby, or not having a baby, it’s about my own relationship to myself as a fertile being. I’m just coming across your blog today. Would love to know more about your journey from PCOS to motherhood.
Great post Erin, I too think that something along the lines of Taking Charge of Yor Fertility should be taught in school! It was what made me realize the amazing-ness of my body…before nurturing a baby inside the womb and out of course! I’m excited for you to share this type of leaarning with your lucky daughter. I wonder how it will work for me though…with a son…
Beautiful pictures, writing and blog : )
Áine xoxo
i completely agree with you. i’m still learning about this, and i’m realizing how much i wish i would have known this when i was younger, wondering how i didn’t realize this. thanks for the link – heading there to learn more.