loving where you are

right now.

in this moment. loving every thing about yourself…

knowing that there are things you'd love to change, but not letting those things stop you from really fully loving what you have, who you are… everything.

this journey has taken me to another level with my body.

revelling in this shell. fully appreciating these curves. these lumps and bumps and yums and scars.

and this:

i was looking through pictures last night and found that one from 16 weeks and thought 'oh my cute little body! it's so adorable… oh… i love that'

and those are words that i never used to describe my body. cute. little. adorable. love.

but LOOK AT IT. i mean. haha sorry. you don't have to tell me anything about my body.

what i'm saying is- i never saw myself… i never loved what i saw.

this journey, with my body changing every day.. so quickly. has really opened my eyes to what my body really looks like… has made me fall in love with my body. has made me get to know it and appreciate it on so many levels.

i love that body before.

i love this body now.

and i'm excited to love this body after…

and i want you, and everyone i know to really start seeing themselves now. today. not the pictures of the past of 'when i was the right size/shape/weight'

because we never fully appreciate what we have until it's gone, and that's just a shame.

especially when we're living in such beautiful bodies today.

talking in bullets (most creative title ever)

i have so many things i want to talk about- that it's actually keeping me from talking. maybe i'll go list wise.

  • nearly two weeks ago, i had an amazing opportunity- to meet up with a previous art client of mine who i had only corresponded with online. but she isn't  just any client, she's this amazing photographer from Lyon. i followed her pictures on flickr long before she knew anything about me. falling in love with her ability to capture pure fairytale magic… anyway, the last minute chance meet up came about because she was to be in Dublin for a photoshoot, she (caroline) sent me an email asking if i wanted to meet up- and that she'd love to take my maternity pictures (huuuuuh!) i.kind of freaked out for a second. my heart was pounding. i wanted to say YES YES YES! but then i was also going 'ohmygodwhatdoido? she's amazing.. i'm shy. i'll be an idiot. how do i talk to her? i…what..i don't know what to do..' i even e-mailed those same sentiments to one of our mutual friends. and then. i somehow found myself e-mailing her back saying 'yes.'   do you want to see one of the preview pictures that i've seen so far?

i know right? i can't get over it…

i'm pretty much the most shy, awkward, idiot. but then she stepped off the bus- and was beautiful and amazing, and i fell in love with her.  so, we walked about my little town for a bit- sat on my couch for a bit. and then went out for pictures. by the time we got to the lake the most amazing rainbow appeared in the sky- it just kept getting bigger and brighter… the storm clouds behind us, over my town. so dark and ominous… the clouds in front of us parted and light shone through… and. there is no other word but magic.

i climbed on rocks in the middle of the lake- the wind swept my skirt and hair. rain started pouring down.

i'm so horrible about being in front of the lens with someone else behind it. so awkward. but… she made me feel so alive, and beautiful, and the moment was magical- so how could i not?

i'm dying to see the rest..

  • speaking of feeling beautiful- i was asked to write up a little something for a website, sharing my truth. mine isn't available yet- but i feel so honored to have been asked to share among a group of women that i so admire. i'll talk about it again when my bit is up, but check out the website. it's so uplifting, positive, and yummy.
  • i've been sketching. all day long. and it feels so wonderful. and then i added a bit of paint. and mmm. that felt wonderful too! sigh. it feels so good to be creating again. i'm currently trying to sell my originals- which is new territory for me. but so needs to be done. there's no point in me keeping them- they just sit on a bookshelf, all stacked up. much better to let them out into the daylight and share with the world, and find someone who falls in love.  here's two of my most recent favourites that i painted

sometimes i get messages from buyers who tell me what the painting they are buying means to them… a story that seems to fall perfectly in place with their chosen art piece. they share where in their house it will hang, and how it's an added collection to their home. i think that is my most favourite part about creating and being able to sell my work… it's incredible to wrap my mind around the idea that something i have created might hang in someone's house- a little girl's bedroom… and become part of the imprint in her childhood memories.

there's still one piece of art that i remember so vividly from when i was a kid- that was in our house. i can describe it, but i can't for the life of me find out who did it- or where to find it. so, i imagine it being something like that for these other kids. and that feels SO… just. wow.

a friend of mine has one of my paintings of women hanging in her bathroom- and says that her little boy is scared of them. aaah nooo! she thinks it's hilarious.. that sounds pretty much like something my mom would continue with.  oy vey. i'm sorry sweet boy- i promise i never would have made them with eyes that follow you- because i'm scared of that myself!  so great. some people might have sweet memories attached to my art. and others will blame me for their nightmares. i guess you really can't win them all. ;) hee

  • a day shy from 37 weeks… i can't wait to meet this little one. trying to savour these last moments of pregnancy- before our lives change forever. to soak up being able to cradle her so safely in my body… but struggling with the feelings of anxious excitement. excited for our birth story to unfold. excited to hold her.. smell her. touch her. fall in love with her… excited to just- get on with it. transition into parenthood..

i was leaning forward to take this- so you could see my feet.. so silly to suddenly notice that when you look straight down- you really can no longer see your feet. but i still managed to give myself a pedicure!

okay. i'm pretty sure i had other things to talk about- but my mind is mush.

if you aren't already an erin darcy design fan on facebook- go over now and join. i'm holding a giveaway when i reach 100 fans. (every fan will be entered to win)

oh, and there are two other brand new paintings on my etsy as well!

self promotion enough? hahaa sorry… mama's gotta make some money for her bebe!

xo

reflect.ion

i catch my reflection in the glass door, and suddenly realise 'oh yeah… that's my body'

the same curves i painted over and over again… that swift, smooth curve of breast and baby bump.

that shape i craved and longed for… that i looked at and cried over. that shape that meant so much to me.

i roll out of bed and sit on the ledge, building some energy to lift myself off the bed. but for that moment, my belly sits against my thighs. round.

…i walk down the stairs, carefully holding onto the railing and a hand gliding along the wall. from my view straight down the stairs- i'm carrying a ball under my tight shirt.

those moments hit, and i realise how… a year ago, i was only dreaming of this.

a year ago, i was only dreaming about being pregnant. holding my baby…

and here i am, cradling my baby deep in my body. soon to be cradling her in my arms, against my breast.

the reflection has changed so quickly, but at the same time- i can't remember what my body looked like before…

a body i will never have again. it will forever be changed by the journey carved from this babe.

a body that i am so in love with… something i really never thought i'd say, and mean.

this moment

i wrote the simple words down… the more i read them, rolled them around on my tongue… the stronger it was. the heavier it wore. this powerful impact, from six simple words.

it makes so much sense, to be used in every moment of life.

a sweet kiss, a nasty argument, a contraction, a sleepless night, a beautiful afternoon, holding the warmth of your lovers hand in yours.

it reminds you that the hard days will one day be over, the pains you feel will stop.

that crying babies will one day be too big to comfort in your arms.

and it also reminds you that the most beautiful days will too, be over. the chance for 'i love you' passes.

the opportunity to listen. and the opportunity to speak.

the only moment we have is now, and it will never happen again…

i hope that it brings you comfort during hard times, and reminds you to laugh and love more. and take the opportunity to say 'yes' when they arise.

to leave the mess after dinner for a while longer, because your kids want you to play.

to say 'i love you' when you feel it…

to be gentle to yourself when you're up all night with a sleepless baby.

to savour the journey.

honouring the present

as i feel this girl roll across my belly… all the years start to pass me by.

first moments and milestones… birthdays and memories.

and all of a sudden, i'm not having a baby any more- because my mind has drifted, fast-forwarding to raising a young woman. i see it all in my head in a silent motion picture…

and it's here where i learn to be present.

where i feel the rotating earth, how time slips through your fingers like sand…

how this babe inside, who i have yet to see…touch…smell- has already grown before me.

but then i breathe, and realise that every day has an opportunity to be wonderful. every day is something new, unique, and cherished. and i will practice being present now- so i can savour every day that i have, in witnessing this girl who is to be ours.

a daily practice, to not live in the future… dreaming or wondering or thinking about 'what if'. because all we have is now, all that matters is now… and life is happening before our eyes.

mama gift ideas

so, i'm not a mama yet. but i feel like i have a pretty good idea about what some mamas want, need, or would really just love to have- so i've put together a few sweet gift ideas to share!

for mama:

Clutch organizer- fill it with a journal or address book, some stationary, pen, and a little book of stamps. Help mama stay organized and keep all of her thank you notes, baby announcements, and grocery lists all in one place.  Make up a card to place inside that has the phone numbers for her midwife, labor department, GP, and local lactation consultant

Nursing necklace- so baby has something to play with and keep them focused. Plus, it’s pretty..and jewellery that isn’t fragile and won’t risk breaking. Might keep sticky little fingers from tugging on your hair when nursing.

Ceramic eco travel mug- remind mama to stay hydrated. A gorgeous way to enjoy a morning cup of tea. Gift it with some raspberry leaf, and mothers milk tea. OR Hot cold travel mug- so mama will always have her water with her. Looking after everyone but herself, mamas get dehydrated- and fast. A good milk supply is established with mama looking after herself and keeping herself well hydrated.

Cucumber depuffer eye serum- help mama feel like she has some control over her sleepless night, puffy tired eyes.

Pretty journal- to keep track of anything her mama brain might need reminding of. Whether that’s the last feeding time, what needs to be picked up at the grocery, and all those little thoughts that come to mind about baby that you want to remember forever..

Kimono empire maxi dress- easy to slip on, cozy, elegant. And nursing friendly.

Slippers- something gorgeous. Mama doesn’t have to go around the house feeling frumpy, wearing holy pajama pants and fluffy bunny slippers.

Woven baby wrap- so mama can keep baby close, safe, and warm. And still have two hands free.

All purpose healing salve- sometimes you can e-mail the maker and ask for a bit of lanolin to be added for an extra layer of protection for sore nipples.

Other ideas-

On the go kit- a pretty make-up bag or clutch with travel sized essentials. Include tweezers, a pair of fold-able scissors, tyelnol, hand sanitizer, hand lotion, wet wipes, wet bag for soiled clothes, bandaids, antiseptic salve, washable breast pads, granola bar, coin purse for emergency change. (comes in handy when you suddenly realise that you haven’t had anything to eat or drink, and you have a vending machine near). Packed and ready to store in her diaper bag.

A fit mama makes for easier labor-

a yoga/exercise ball is a cheap investment that is not only great during pregnancy- to help keep back straight, ease hip and back pain, and build core muscles. But is also a great tool to use during labor- to keep moving and take pressure off hips. replace sitting on a desk chair with your yoga ball, especially during the last few months of pregnancy.

Prenatal yoga- instructors help mamas move their bodies in a way to benefit and ease the discomforts that come with being pregnant. Helping you learn to breathe properly, especially helpful for birth. You always have your breath.  Gorgeous yoga tote/diaper bag

Gift of photography- a gift certificate for a maternity session or newborn session. Some photographers will do a discount if you purchase both together. Many mamas forget to have pictures taken of their gorgeous pregnant curves. Some feel a little self conscious in their new body- but one day will look back, thankful that they had those precious moments captured.  Try to find a photographer who is independent (not a generic studio photographer), and will travel to your house for newborn sessions. Mama is less stressed being at home, baby feeds off of mama’s emotions… and, as a photographer- I find that there’s extra sentiment at shooting in the persons home- finding things in their house that mean so much to them that can be incorporated into the photos. It’s ideal for newborn photo shoots to take place within the two weeks, so please make sure to stay in contact with your photographer to keep a date open for you.

for labouring and post-partum mama:

Relaxing scents/ massage oils

Post-partum recovery kit-  prepared or home-made kit,  include bottom spray or peri bottle, herbal sitz bath, ibuprofen (safe to take while breast feeding), witch hazel pads, dry shampoo, washable breast pads, really delicious chocolate ; )
for c-section recovery kit include a belly wrap, hot/cold compress, healing salve, dry shampoo, washable breast pads, delicious chocolate. and plenty of support.
for both- volunteering to drop meals off, run a load of laundry, vacuum/sweep floors. a basket of fruits that are easy on digestion- apples, pears, plums, peaches, dried apricots, bananas

Hot & cold compress- will come in good use for post-partum recovery as well.

Positive affirmations- birth & mama mantras

Rescue remedy

Mixed dried fruits and nuts- for energy during labor.

Something for mamas to consider: Birth photography

Exercise- help to get back into shape and feel better about yourself. Healthy, fit and happy mama. Jillian Michaels 30 day shred is getting rave reviews. A membership to a local fitness class, or knowledge that baby will have someone to take care of him/her for 30 minutes while mama goes for a brisk walk. I hear that carrying a baby burns more calories compared to pushing a baby in a stroller. So even if you don’t have someone to mind the baby when it’s a good time to go walking, put baby in a wrap/carrier and enjoy the fresh air.

what's something that you found useful or lovely to have?  what would you normally give your pregnant friends?

bebe gift ideas

continued from mama gift ideas-

New baby gift ideas:

Amber teething necklace

Baltic amber necklaces are to be worn against the skin, where the amber heats against the wearers body heat- allowing the oils and natural healing properties of amber to be absorbed into the skin. It is not intended for chewing, and should only be worn while teething child is under supervision- and removed while sleeping. These necklaces are easy to break off quickly should the need be, and every amber piece includes a knot so beads wont scatter.  one of my friends sent me one and says that it makes all the difference for her little one : )

Baby bottom salve

Custom boppy cover

yes please! Boppy is a support pillow for helping with nursing, bottle feeding, lounging, giving baby support in sitting up, and easing into tummy time.

Peace t-shirt

Minky love

Adorable hat

wood teether

something handmade, booties, hat, sweater, blanket… that will be kept in the family.

Baby bath wash

something natural and gentle for baby's delicate skin. try to stay away from anything with added fragrance.

Medicine Kit- gripe water, teething gel/tablets, nasal aspirator, nail scissors, rectal digital thermometer, teether, infant Tylenol, infant Motrin, baby sunscreen, calamine lotion, Vaseline, antibacterial cream,  tweezers, oral syringe, baby& children’s first-aid/CPR manual.

What every mama should know, and be reminded of-

You’re beautiful.

You are not alone.

You are the perfect mother for your baby.

Your health and well being is just as important as baby’s. If you aren’t coping well in yourself, how are you expected to take care of a baby? Guilt and responsibility make mama’s feel like they should put baby first- and sacrifice her own well being… which can lead to an often avoidable, yet treatable postpartum depression.  Baby needs mama to take care of herself too.

Follow your instincts. If you’re unsure about what you are doing is right- seek wisdom from gentle, supportive people. But remember that what worked for them might not work for you. Follow your gut- you are almost always right. You and baby were made for each other. Believe it.  you’re an animal underneath all of that- your mama animal instincts kick in and know what to do.

lotus babe

my babe and hers have been connected.
communicating.
through the womb
oceans and mountains apart.

i felt her go into labour…
i had visions of his birth.
dreams of what he would look like- and that he, would be he.

he was born in water, in the early hours of the morning, before the noon heat. (as i envisioned)
right into his dads hands…
with his sisters as witness.
surrounded by a tribe of women.


one of the first pictures she sent to me of his birth, the first word that came to mind was 'lotus'
i had no idea why.
so i searched online for lotus to see what it could mean… and of course:

'Often used as an example of divine beauty, Vishnu is often described as the 'Lotus-Eyed One'. Its unfolding petals suggest the expansion of the soul. The growth of its pure beauty from the mud of its origin holds a benign spiritual promise.'

the lotus represents purity of the body, speech, and mind.


she was a lotus, in the water. unfolding. expanding her soul.

and he, purity brought through her earthy vessel. his origin.

purity of body… flesh that had never been exposed to air. purity of speech…his first ever cry. purity of mind…a new beginning beneath those ethereal eyes.

i shared that bit with her- that the first word that came to mind was, for some reason 'lotus'

…and then she shares with me that she was thisclose to giving him the middle name Lotus….

can't even explain the tingles and craziness… of all of these visions, dreams, unexplainable connections between she and i… who have never met flesh to flesh.

twenty things

things to be grateful for:

my parents, who believe in following your dreams.
the clothes line filling up with tiny clothes
good food that fills the belly
early morning rain showers
ending the day with a beautiful sunset
connecting with soul sisters through wires and tubes across the globe
free and/or affordable healthcare
inspiration
magical childhood memories
waking from beautiful dreams
majestic horses that allow you to ride them
make believe and story telling
fire, without which we wouldn't have delicious roasted marshmallows.
trees- to give us clean air, shelter, and warmth
living in a town where i can walk to the grocery store, and fill up on local produce and baked yums
music to move our bodies to
shared wisdom
learning from mistakes
cameras to capture memories
open hearts and minds

what are you grateful for today?

i'm so happy to announce that i've just listed 20 original paintings on my etsy for sale. free shipping worldwide.

i've been wanting to list some originals for a while, and now seems to be the perfect time.  : )

have a quick browse around, maybe your favourite is up for grabs… get it while you can- originals look completely different to their printed sisters.

{edarcydesign.etsy.com}

thirty three

waking up this morning, fresh out of a dream about my babe. i scoot to the edge of the bed, bare feet to the wood floor. naked belly and breasts exposed… i look down and notice how incredibly big my belly is this morning. round. separate from me, yet all mine.

my silvery stretch marks continue branching upwards, light pink new growth flowing from these old scars.

thirty three weeks. my babe, thirty three…

my hips are loosening, expanding for their upcoming job. my body becoming a gateway from one world into the next.

we prepare for your arrival, sweet one…. by dreaming about you. i'm certain that there really is no way to prepare for you, because once you are here- the world will be different, and my heart will have been changed forever… you will show me what you need. most of all, i believe that you'll simply need me to trust myself.

this pregnancy has been an entire lesson on finding trust in myself and in my body. i'm so grateful for that, because i feel like it gives me confidence and trust in myself and my body for birth and mamahood.

i've been reading a few of ina may's books for childbirth, i immersed myself and found a passion in birth well before you found your way to my womb… a pull in my heart towards birth- like it was something that i helped women with in a past life… like it may be a path in my future.

but for your birth, for our birth… i've decided to stop reading. i want to know enough to make educated decisions, to have the confidence and know what is going on to say 'is there an alternative we can try first…' or simply 'can i have a little bit more time'.  i want to know enough, because it's something i love… but be naive enough to simply flow. to not over analyse what is going on. to let go of mind and sink into body. to trust my body, and to also trust the women who will be taking care of me.

i find there's so many judgements in the mamaworld. whether you give birth at home or hospital, natural or epidural, bottle or breast, sling or stroller… co sleep or nursery down the hall, home made food or jarred. blah blah blah- it's never ending. i get so tired of it. women who have forgotten that we're all in this together. we're all going through our own trials and tribulations. we're all learning what's best for us, and for our babies.  and ultimately- as long as mama and baby are both happy and healthy, isn't that the main thing?

i get so disheartened when i see and hear about women quickly judging another mama for a choice she made in raising her baby. the judgements quickly turn into harsh words about how fit she is to be a mother. two hardcore sides, yelling what is right… when at the bottom of it, there's one thing that bonds us all- we all love our children. we all want what is best for them, and we make educated decisions that will suit us, our baby, and our family best. we sometimes seek advice, but ultimately- we have to trust ourselves and our decisions. we make mistakes, but that doesn't mean we don't love our baby any less. we learn. we grow.  and it's necessary…

so it's always refreshing to find other mamas who just… get it. who are compassionate and understanding. who make no judgements. who believe in honouring and trusting ourselves and each other.

i found my birth and mama mantra… wisdom from one goddess mama to her baby girl. but as i read it- i feel like she's talking to me too…

'My darling Ostara Light, one day you too might give birth to your own son or daughter.
I want you to know that by hook or by crook, however your child comes in to this world is the way they needed to be born.
You may have a water birth, an induction, a caesarean, an orgasmic birth, an assisted delivery, an active birth, a vaginal birth, an episiotomy, an epidural, an ecstatic birth.
And they are all equal dearest, because they are all still the act of birth.
Your babe’s birth will be an initiation, and you will emerge the warrior mama goddess they need.
You will find strength, courage, grace and faith deep inside you, hidden in mountains and trees.
You can do it, my dearest daughter.
I believe in you, and know you are supported and surrounded by thousands of angels.'

-goddess leonie

and so i sit, and envision how i will breathe… how i will move my hips. how i will hum and moan. how i will look in your dads eyes- and beg him to help me… i envision how i'll need to call out and deep down inside for the strength and energy. i'm sure that i will lose myself from time to time, needing reassurance that i can, and i will do this. because at the end of all of that hard work, my babe.. i will finally meet you.

this is how i prepare for you. i give myself over to you. trusting my body, and letting go of ideas. honouring that you will come when you are ready, and how you are meant to arrive. i let go of control- because nothing controls the forces of nature, so why would i expect to be able to control the most pivotal moments of mother earth; birth.

i adore the ways you have changed me already… carving me into the mama you need.