it's like sitting on a bed of nails…
waiting to discover.
waiting to figure out the puzzle of how to transform something in your head onto a piece of paper…getting all of the pieces to fit, in the right shape.. in the right order.
and when it's all dried up. and the pencil breaks. and the lines are hard and rigid….
i search and sink my teeth into what might inspire me.
searching not only for their images or music or.. whoever they might be-whatever they might make. i also go in search of some way to see them 'feel them'. hoping for interviews.. so i can soak them up, take all that i can from them.
liselotte watkins has been inspiring me for years now… she was the way that i found my passion in my girls.. was my stepping stone-and then quickly i found my own.
kate wilson is another, who has this incredible style that flows through everything she does. it's all very light, flirty, girly. very sweet and quirky.
…
some days i sit and wait… clear my mind, relax. take it easy… other times i’m in a desperate urge to call her back.
i find ways to clear all aspects of wanting to create. i read books and clean the house, keeping my hands and my mind busy. and then i find ways to slowly call her back, being creative in other ways to gently coerce her to me.
recently, i’ve been asked to do quite a few commission pieces. i normally don’t do them*, but it seems that as i’ve continued to put myself out there- people are wanting their piece, their claim, and they want it to be personal and mean something more for them…
*i’ve yet to say no… i just… don’t decline them i should say. and i don’t go out on a limb to offer them either.
it’s absolutely flattering… to know that these people find something in my work, something that they want to keep with them, something that connects with them.
but you have to be on your game to accept a commission, you have to be riding high waves, where rocks to crash against are far in the distance. you have to be willing to go with the flow, to accept that you are creating for someone else’s vision.
it can be scary. them, putting so much faith in your ability. them, willing to PAY you. and all the while you feel like a major joke… trying to quickly come up with something, begging the gods and muses to help you along. hoping to come out with at least one thing for a smiling face. the money isn’t a big deal… it’s a lovely extra. but really, honestly… knowing that you created something that sits with them, fits them, feels good with them is the most rewarding.
…
so i’m searching for her again. soaking up as much of my inspiration as i can… cleaning the house top to bottom. baking like a mad woman, keeping my hands and mind busy but also trying to be a bit creative to let her crawl back out.
sigh.
what inspires you?
what helps you out of a rut?
2 Comments
Oh, beautiful girl –
I discovered your wonderful world through the lovely Jennifer Summer. Ever since, I have found myself doing the same thing you do – looking at YOUR art and thinking well, she is so amazing, I could never ever call myself an artist again.
But, dear one – we have never met, yet you seem like such a kindred soul. So I will tell you my thoughts, as I read this:
!) You could never disappoint anyone. Ever. They simply want the same thing from you as your spontaneous creations. It's what I learned as an actress- they want you to be the one. And they already love you.
2) Breathe. You are one of the most creative, inspired, courageous artists I've come across. Your muse comes when you settle down. If you sit in judgement, you can't leave a space for the new to emerge in you.
3) I can't wait for you to release a cookbook – your food photography (well, really – all of your photography is amazing! You may take my or Jason's photos anytime. He is a magician .. I think you can find his site on my typepad blog).
4) Believe in yourself darling. It's actually painful to think that someone who inspires me, who puts me in awe of her writing and her photography and her art and her heart would ever doubt that yours is a truly brilliant Light.
With many supportive hugs,
Tiffany
(though my friends often call me Twilight…)
I don't know If I said it already but …I'm so glad I found this site…Keep up the good work I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog. Thanks,
A definite great read..Jim Bean