for the past.. oh.. three weeks or so, i’ve had this nervous energy building inside…
twirling itself through my finger tips, and settling deep in my belly.
this anxiety that takes over everything, and is sour to the taste.
i’m coming to find out that highly emotional people, who are also creative-need someone to take the reins and manage things from time to time…
i tend to build and build and build up to the last.. until i feel stretched thin and brittle…
a constant worry on my brow.
fear…
and as i’ve psyched myself up for this fear and anxiety-knowing what awaits. a big deal…a big day….
tomorrow i’m shooting my very first wedding. and while that’s HUGE and major and shaky and…intimating.
i realise that i’m being more of a bully to myself… that i’m building it up to be something horrible, frightening, exhausting… waiting for something to go wrong, preparing myself for hundreds of mistakes… preparing myself for people to not be happy with the final outcome. telling myself that i will fail, asking what i got myself into, putting myself down…
i want to stop this, here and now.
i want to be able to think and know that i can do this, that i can handle this-and if anything goes wrong, i’ll roll with it and do the very best i can, because that is all i can do.
i want to be able to tell myself that i was hired because they have confidence in me. because they trust me. and i won’t question either of those.
****
i’m gonna rock this wedding, and take amazing pictures.. i’m going to make this bride so happy that she chose me. and i’m going to be proud of myself for even attempting to do this. i’m going to be proud of myself for doing my best. and i’m going to do this for you, too… because i’m taking a big leap here.. i’m leaving my comfort zone well behind me.
and i want to do it gracefully, so that you can do it too.